Sean Woods All - Night Disco Blogorama

New blog in town

2009-09-27T10:12:00.001-06:00

Given this blog has been inactive for so long, I can't imagine there are many followers left.

For those dedicated enough to continue checking this blog, you should know I've started a new project called The Warehouse District.

I'll still keep the Blogorama around for achieving purposes, but all my new writing will be found at the District. Things are going much better in my life than they were two years ago, so I expect I will be writing with more frequency.

Cheers,
Sean.

A Festivus for the Rest of Us

2007-12-23T18:58:00.001-07:00

Happy holidays.

Satan Shoots, Satan SCORES!

2007-12-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

NHL forward and fallen angel Miroslav Satan registered his 666th point during last night's contest between the New York Islanders and the Washington Capitals.

Satan scored at the 10:03 mark of the first period, which helped New York to a 3-2 victory. Satan also received a pitchforking...er, hooking penalty in that same period.

While the dark lord has no desire to pass Wayne Gretzky's records, he has been quoted as saying he will not retire until he bests Dave Christian's total of 773 points.

It should be noted Miroslav Satan has now outscored Jesus Christ (aka Jerzy Christ, last seen playing for Iserholm EC of the German 1st division) 666 to 0 at the NHL level. Should Jesus manage to make the NHL and surpass Satan's totals, one would have to consider that accomplishment as the biggest comeback since the Resurrection.

The Job Interview Double-Feature

2007-12-17T15:57:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I interviewed for position of writer/researcher with the Ministry of Municipal Affairs and Housing, Public Safety Division. If I were to rate my performance on the traditional ten (10) point scale, I would assign myself a 6.5; a woefully average performance that in no way reflects my true competencies (or personality, for that matter). For some reason I had difficulty with the question "how would you author issue management correspondence to the Minister?" The only answer I could suggest was that I would "research the issues, formulate my opinion, and pass my correspondence onto the Minister." It was obvious to me they would have preferred a more in-depth answer.

"Why couldn't I...THINK!"

After the formal interview I was led into a small room where I was asked to sit down and draft correspondence on behalf of the Minister. The question posed to me was, and I paraphrase, "I've been reading about the raging wildfires in the newspaper - what is the government going to do about it?" Oddly enough I printed the Ministry's role in emergency services earlier that day, so I was able to refer to that as I composed the letter. I am fairly confident my letter was of high quality; hopefully the Ministry feels the same way.

I did manage to provide them with several other writing examples, including:

A fund raising proposal addressed to the Wild Rose Foundation (a 20 page document that resulted in a $50 000 donation to the ICCP),
policy and procedure for two different programs,
an official EPS brochure;
a 30 minute CPTED (Crime Prevention through Environmental Design) PowerPoint presentation I designed for the EPS, and
a business plan that resulted in the EPS approving a new hire for the crime prevention unit.

Even if the quality of my writing meets their standards, I do not believe I will be the successful candidate. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't terrible - but my performance certainly could have benefited from some more confidence on my part. Or maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Most likely the answer lies somewhere in between.

There were several questions I wanted to ask after the process but had forgotten. Next time I shall write the questions down before hand and bring them with me to the interview. As it stands I am going to e-mail my list of questions to the persons involved. If nothing else, that act could potentially keep my name in their minds.

This interview this led me to reminisce about another interview experience I had a few months ago. I originally posted my thoughts on my Facebook page, but for some reason did not include them here.

Without futher ado I present "So I walked out of an interview today..." (originally composed on 2007 June 29):

...yes, it's true. I had mixed feelings the entire week preceding the interview (that is, is this a job that I would enjoy), but decided to attend anyway so I could see what they had to offer.

The longer I sat in the boardroom searching for answers to the interview questions, the more I realized that I wouldn't want to write online content for a legal document company as a full-time job. After a long pause following the question "What's the difference b/w online content and technical content," I basically said that I hadn't prepared myself well for this interview (which was true), and that I couldn't see myself doing this type of job full-time.

They looked at me like I was crazy, which I can understand, and tried to get me to continue with the interview. I declined, apologized for wasting their time, and left without much grace. The entire interview was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my adult life, especially the final 30 seconds as my interviewers didn't say much of anything.

I feel a bit conflicted about my decision. On one hand, I'm glad I had the sense to leave, but on the other, the act of leaving was somewhat of a humbling experience. Especially when they asked me if the job looked to be too hard (ok, that was more of a 'insult Sean's pride' moment), which wasn't the case.

Or maybe I'm just a bit upset with myself b/c I didn't trust my gut and went to the interview anyway.

If nothing else, this experience taught me that I couldn't just 'write' for any type of company; I think it would have to have more of a humanitarian purpose. Social services, emergency services, community programming, the government, etcetera. Something where I could develop programming to assist the community at large.

I still feel embarrassed, though. Hmm.

And here are the comments from my "Facebook followers." I omitted one person's name b/c I'm not sure if she would want it published here. Cliff R. also posted his thoughts at one time, but it has been lost as he deleted his Facebook profile.

She who shall not be named wrote:
at 1:15pm on June 29th, 2007

Cool experience of self! Good story. You learned some great lessons about yourself. My thoughts? What value is there in the 'crappy' feelings that are associated with this experience? I'm willing to bet there is potentially lots. You could alternatively focus on the cool things you learned and the pride that's associated with overcoming an extremely uncomfortable experience! Neat...

Sean Woods wrote
at 3:51pm on June 29th, 2007
Thanks She who shall not be named, your comments are quite helpful.

Value from the crappy feelings? Hmmm. I suppose the lesson learned there is to trust my gut more than I should when it comes to this sort of thing.

But by GOD, was it uncomfortable. I can't recall the last time I felt so out of my element. I don't mean over my head, but I never felt settled at all.

Liam Johnstone wrote
at 4:33pm on June 29th, 2007

I think that interviews aren't just for the company to find out about you. They're also an opportunity for you to hear what they can do for you. Sure, you want to put your best foot forward and come across as a can't-miss candidate. However, if they're not saying the things that you want to hear, you're well within your rights to say "This isn't what I want."

It's not for them to determine the length of the interview alone. If you want it to end, that's your right. I congratulate you on making what had to be a difficult decision instead of staying in a place where you were unhappy. To me, that says you learned something (both about the company and yourself) during the interview. Good for you.

Sean Woods wrote at 5:56pm on June 29th, 2007
Those are very good points Cliff (and Liam). Perhaps that perceived loss of control was partially responsible for the flabbergasted look on their faces.

If only you could see what I've seen with your eyes...

2007-12-15T10:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I discovered that one of my favourite films has been re-relased to theatres: Blade Runner. The remastered and uncut edition (the "Final Cut"), no less. Given that I am "only" 31 years old, I didn't get the chance to see this film during its original 1982 release. This is probably for the best as I don't think a 6 year old could truly appreciate the film.

For those interested, the film is playing at the City Centre Mall (10200-102nd Ave) until next Thursday. Do yourselves a favour and see this film once or twice. Even you non-geeks out there should enjoy it. I will spare you my attempt to provide a synopsis of this film, as I'm still trying to recapture my creative mojo.

So, please enjoy the trailer instead (edit 2007 Dec 17: Jeremiah and I went to see the film yesterday. It is still awesome).

It's Good to be Bald

2007-12-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I had decided to pull a long shift (0800 to 2030, to be precise) in order to assist in the facilitation of an EPS course. My route home is along 97th street, which is not the best-lit area in the town. On this night I decided to walk south of the courthouse instead of walking west along 103 A avenue.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a young male running toward a female of the same age. He appeared to nudge/poke her in the back, which caused her to scream hysterically. At first I thought it was a scream of the "OhmyfuckinggodyousacredmeGOD!" variety, so I smirked and continued on my way home. A few moments later I heard her scream

Please don't hit me!

from behind me. I turned around just in time to see the female fall and be kicked either in the torso or head. Without thinking I yelled "HEY!" and ran at the male, phone in hand (but not cognisant enough to call 911). He looked at me, said "What are you gonna do, call the cops?" and left the female to confront me. Thankfully as I approached he seemed to realize that I was bigger and balder, so he took off in the opposite direction.

I asked the girl if I could walk her to the police station, or at the very least call her a taxi, but she claimed that "would get me (her) into even more trouble" and sprinted in the direction opposite the male had.

Needless to say my body was in 'fight' mode the remainder of the evening, so there wasn't a lot of sleep to be had.

After debriefing with some colleagues the next day I had the following questions posed to me:

What if he was her pimp?
What if he had a knife?
What if he had a gun?

This led me to doubt my actions somewhat - what IF he had a knife (or something more lethal)? Would I have been able to leave the conflict unscathed? Opinions were tossed at me from all sides, including the peanut gallery; that is, people whose opinion I did not solicit. Eventually I realized the doubt crept into my head because I was not trusting my gut; I was letting the opinions of others affect my thinking in a negative fashion.

I am confident that I did the right thing, however I most definitely should have called 911 first and THEN made the assailant aware of my presence. Call first, make sure help is on the way.

Sadly, I am fairly certain that the incident in question was a relationship dispute of some sort. I would not be surprised if the female sought out the male later on that week. Or day.

Sigh

2007-12-09T17:54:00.001-07:00

As you can well see, I haven't been posting with anything even approaching regularity. It hasn't been a case of me not having anything to say, but more so my inability to separate work from home.

Well, that's not quite right. Work has been incredibly exhausting of the past few months, both emotionally and mentally. I invest a lot into work (most likely too much) and as a result it seems that I don't have the creative mojo to post anything on my blog.

A while ago I was talking to Earl about this, and he remarked that it is very important to put words to paper (text to screen?), even if I don't feel like I have anything worthwhile to say. I agree with his comment.

So...my first goal is to modify my blog so it fits into the new blogger format. Once that is complete I shall endeavour to post more often.

PS: The attached picture doesn't have any relevance, other than I thought it was cool.

Farewell to an Old Friend

2007-09-15T16:49:00.000-06:00

So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me." When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out." The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, "Unbind him, and let him go."

John 11:41-44 (the resurrection of Lazarus)

Over twenty years ago, Bob Woods purchased a Zenith television for the Leduc homestead. Rigged with built-in surround sound, FOUR different sets of inputs (including the 'brand new' SUPER VHS input), and a very handy guide function...this television had it all. Even picture in picture. The entire Woods family was now able to watch a movie AND a hockey game at the same time.

Unfortunately, this union of family and technology was not to last. A short time after purchase (the exact length of time escapes me, but it was short enough that the warranty was still in effect), the picture tube ceased to function and the television would no longer turn on.

After an expected bout of Bob Woods' expletives, the company that sold us the television was contacted. They informed my father that while they could not replace our dead television with a Zenith, they could very easily provide us with a better, newer RCA model. Dad agreed, and a few days later the new RCA was at our door. When asked what we should do with the Zenith, the delivery man said that his company had no need for it. Once the new television had been set up, Dad carried the non functioning Zenith down the stairs.

And managed to hit it against the wall.

A few times. Possibly on purpose.

For reasons unknown to this day, Dad decided to plug in the television downstairs. Almost immediately the television turned on, picture tube working again.

Lazarus had risen once again.

Woods family tradition dictates that the youngest son inherits all second hand technology, so the Lazarus TV (as that is what I came to call it) came into my possession. For many years the Lazarus TV followed me from apartment to apartment, and then later city to city. While the colour had gone a bit over time, and bright white light (like ice during a hockey game) caused it to buzz, Lazarus served me well for many years. It was only recently that I gave Lazarus to my ex-wife; and it was with her Lazarus spent its final days.

The end didn't come suddenly; it came over a period of two months. Lazarus would turn off by itself, it would blur, and you would swear when you heard the speakers die, the final sound resembled crying. So today I decided that Lazarus would be put out of its misery...please join me in remembering my loyal television as I share with you the final hours of Lazarus.

Last journey with an old friend...

Approaching the final resting grounds

The Grim Reaper approaches...

The Lazarus TV prepares for its final journey...

Goodbye Lazarus TV; thank you for over twenty years of service. May you rest in peace.

Ba Ba Black Sheep

2007-03-06T20:28:00.000-07:00

Who's with me opening night?

Why Dan Jurgens is Terrible

2007-03-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid that only my comic-geek friends will fully appreciate this post.

Anyway, I only need to post the following picture (from "JLA Classified # 34") to illustrate (pun intended) why Dan Jurgens is terrible. Prior to this scene, the JLA was trying to prevent the Royal Flush Gang from completing a lab heist. Suddenly, a new player (The Red King) burst onto the scene - which produced the following dialogue from both the heroes and villains.

That has to be one of the laziest ways to advance a story you will ever see. I imagine Jurgen's thought process was as follows;

"How do I get all the individual character reactions? I know! I'll simply draw all their heads onto one full-page panel and have them give voice to their inner-most feelings!"

I realize that it's far easier to critique than to create, but come on.

"Twenty bucks says he's a bad guy."

Terrible. And what about the compassion shown by the Green Lantern?

The villain apparantly blew himself to bits and all he had to say was "Should've called himself the Red Chump?" John Stewart, you're a cold mother fucker. Great 70s comic book dialogue from the Red King, though...

Bad comics make me cry. But hey, at least there was a Royal Flush Gang appearance. Wicked awesome.

Heaven, Thy Name is Garlic Soup

2007-03-04T14:44:00.001-07:00

I've made a recent commitment to try at least one new recipe a week; last week's culinary creation was butter chicken, which turned out surprisingly well. This week: garlic soup.

What you will need:

Four (4) medium sized potatoes,

one (1) whole elephant garlic,

two (2) cups chicken broth (I use low-sodium),

one (1) bad-ass blender,

one (1) pot, and

a variety of spices (I used pepper, basil, thyme, and oregano).

Directions:

The first task is to scrub the potatoes clean; afterwards, cut them into quarters. I leave the skins on, but I'm sure peeling them wouldn't adversely affect the recipe. Put the now-dismembered potatoes into a pot, cover with water (perhaps a centimetre above the "potato line") and set them to boil.

Finely chop the giant elephant garlic while the potatoes simmer on the stove. When the potatoes finally begin to boil, put your chopped garlic in the pot. Wait. Wait some more. By this time the potatoes should be "fork tender;" that is, they will fall apart when forked. After that magical event takes place pour the ENTIRE CONTENTS of the pot into the bad-ass blender (including the water from the pot). Be very careful when pouring the contents into the blender as they will be quite hot. You also need to add the two cups of chicken broth to the mix.

Put the cover on your bad ass blender and press "obliterate." Gleefully sit back and watch as all the contents liquefy into one smooth mixture. Pour the contents of the bad-ass blender back into the pot and bring them to a boil. Add spices listed earlier to taste, otherwise all you will be tasting is garlic and potato. I also put in some salt, which yes, I realize defeats the purpose of using low-sodium chicken broth. Clickity-click, barbatric - you now have six servings of creamy soup.

For a nice visual effect, put a fresh basil leaf on top of the finished product.

Bonus:

For added awesome, cut a "bowl shaped" piece of sourdough bread and place in the bottom of your soup bowl. Place a slice of Swiss cheese on top of the sourdough and pour the soup over top of it. Delicious. I'm sure other types of bread & cheese combinations would serve just as well.

Bacon would also be a welcome addition to the soup, provided your religion/heart condition allows it.

For the Unenlightened

2007-03-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

After watching that clip, you can't possibly deny that Flash Gordon is awesome. The trailer alone has laser beams, hawkmen, war rocket Axax, TOPOL on a hot tin roof, a healthy dose of lightning bolts, sountrack by Queen, and of course Max Von Sydow (as Ming the Merciless).

"Pathetic Earthlings. Who can save you now?

"Remove the earth-woman...prepare her for our PLEASURE!"

Ming's the fucking man.

Hail Ming.

Winter of My Discontent

2007-03-02T16:27:00.000-07:00

During the mild winter of 2005, I found that my apartment had gained some new occupants - occupants most unwelcome.

Fruit flies. Never ending hordes of fruit files.

While small in stature, these flies would form large swarms that were easily visible to the naked eye. They were in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the living room and everywhere else in-between.

Since fruit flies are not my area of expertise, I conducted some research and came to the conclusion that the most likely source of the infestation was…fruit. Rotting fruit, to be precise. The produce in my apartment (of which there was a sizeable amount) appeared to be free of any blemishes, but I threw out everything to ensure the source of my problem was gone.

A week passed, and still the files ruled the roost. I found this quite embarrassing, so I chose the only course of action available to me; CHEMICAL WARFARE. Drano, my longtime ally, was quite helpful in clearing out all the pluming in my residence. His buddies Mr. Clean, Fantastik, Windex, and the rest of the cleaning brigade took care of the remainder of the apartment. Rest assured that nothing I used was remotely close to being “environmentally friendly.” I cleaned my fridge, cleaned my bathroom and any other place that might have given birth to the vermin.

A week passed. While less in number, the fruit flies were still causing trouble. Out of ideas, I finally turned to my then-girlfriend for some direction. Instead of voicing her disgust at the sordid state of my affairs, she offered a solution; fill a few glasses with apple cider vinegar (only one quarter full, mind you) and place them around the house. Eager to rid myself of the vermin, I quickly took her advice and sought to further wage war against my enemy. They could not resist the sweet lure of the apple cider, and one by one they fell to my traps. I was the only one left standing by the time the hostilities had ceased.

As I was dead-set against anything like this occurring again, I gave my apartment a thorough wall-to-wall cleaning. Near the end of this exercise, I found something strange deep in the darkness of my cupboards.

Was it a water pipe?

An old pot that the previous tenant had left behind?

No, it was...well, I'll just say that a picture speaks a thousand words.

BEHOLD.

"Fish"

That's right. Fish - if we make the assumption that the previous tenants did not mislabel the bleach bottle in question. Thankfully I was able to further investigate by using my camera, as I noticed that its lens appeared to have a smaller diameter than the container's opening. Throwing caution to the wind, I opened the bottle and quickly moved my camera to a shooting position. The gods were merciful that day, for there was no stench emanating from the "fish."

Shot 1, no zoom: It seems that inside the container was some sort of oil, most likely fish oil. Perhaps the cook drained the grease from a pan that had been responsible for frying a piece of cod, sole, or basa, with the goal being to reuse the oil in the future. I heard that people do this with bacon...perhaps it is done with fish as well?

Shot 2, 3X zoom: This affords us a more disgusting view of the contents. I'm no fishologist, but it would seem that some of the fish oil (if it was indeed fish oil) had congealed to form globular masses that floated at various levels in the fluid.

While I wanted to keep the "fish" for the sake of SCIENCE, I knew it had to be taken to the dumpster. Later that week I did indeed throw it out with all my other trash.

Was it really fish? We'll never know for sure.

Moral of the story: conduct a thorough inspection of your apartment/house/condo before you move in. There might be "fish" somewhere in your home.

Blogkeeping

2007-03-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

Recently I noticed (after several months) that my blog had been lacking a link to the "Blogorama Homepage" after I revamped my template. I added a "Blogorama Home" link under the Groovy Destinations to rectify that problem. You will also notice that there is a new section in the sidebar called "Happening Hockey Blogs." Please visit the three blogs that I have linked to, as I feel that they offer interesting commentary more often than not.

For those of you that foolishly choose to view this page with Internet Explorer, I have adjusted the margins so that the sidebar is not pushed all the way down the page. I think. In the off chance that I have failed in that task, you should download the Firefox web browser. Actually you should download it anyway; IE is for suckers and lesser jive turkeys.

General Kala! Flash Gordon approaching!

2007-02-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

"What do you mean, Flash Gordon approaching?"

"In a Canada Post letter bag."

Thanks to the mighty eBay, the Flash Gordon Special Edition (25th Anniversary) DVD is now in my possession. For a mere $30 I have acquired a film that has been the source of various running gags between Liam and me for years.

However, like any great quest, I had to overcome several trials.

LAST THURSDAY

I returned home from work to find a Canada Post package notice in my mailbox. According to the notice I had until 1800 hours to retrieve the package from the nearest Canada Post outlet. My watch read 1720, which meant I had 40 minutes to traverse fifteen blocks. Could I make it? By the great god Dysan, I had no choice BUT to make it.

Rushing out the door, I made great haste (for great justice!) and immediately tumbled down the icy sidewalk, suffering a minor contusion. I wiped the dirt and mud from my jacket and continued my journey to Mongo. At this time I noticed a *really* attractive blond jogging in my direction. Using all the wit I could muster, I said to her "Hey, be careful - it's kind of icy over there." The reward for my incredible charm was a rolling of her eyes and a curt "Thanks." Her loss. Probably a lesbian.

At 1750 hours I finally arrived at my destination with the notice in hand.

"Do you have your post notice?" the clerk asked me.

"You bet!"

"Do you have any id?"

"Sure, I...oh. Fuck."

In the rush to get to the store in time I had left my wallet at home. I hung my head in shame and returned to my apartment a very disappointed man. One thing that did make me feel better was learning via the Internet that my DVD player was multi-regional. This meant that I would not need Liam to burn a region zero copy for me.

LAST FRIDAY

I awoke with thoughts of Flash Gordon around 0800 hours, which marked the opening time of the Canada Post outlet. Thankfully I was able to make it to the outlet without injuring myself, although I did walk by Edmonton's sixth homicide of the year. I live in a great neighbourhood. Somehow I managed to remain elated until I arrived at my destination, which had the following sign attached to the door:

"Temporarily closed due to unforeseen circumstance."

RAGE.

I was angry. So angry that I had to sample the new breakfast sandwich at Tim Horton's. It was good. That sated my anger somewhat.

Later that day I had a lunch date with a friend (at Hawelli's, a fantastic Indian restaurant), and she was kind enough to drive me back to the outlet after an amazing meal.

It was open.

I had my notice. I had my ID. I got my package.

Being the nerd that I am, there was no way I could wait until I got home to open the parcel.

My "driver" had a good laugh at my expense, but she seemed to understand the importance of this event when I said "But it's AWESOME!" That's what I tell myself, anyway.

Obviously the first thing I did upon my return home was inserting the blessed DVD into the DVD player. Shortly thereafter I learned that the Internet had lied to me and my DVD was NOT multi-regional. Sigh. Thankfully Liam can still burn me a region 0 copy easily enough...and apparently my DVD player can be "modded" to region zero by way of using a Palm Pilot. Again Liam can offer his assistance, being a proud Palm owner.

While I still have some time to wait, Flash Gordon will soon be playing on my home theatre...

Gordon's ALIVE!

The Sky is Not Falling

2007-02-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

The NHL trade deadline has come and gone, with the Edmonton Oilers making only one transaction; trading assistant captain Ryan Smyth.

To New York (Islanders): Ryan Smyth

To Edmonton: Robert Nilsson (son of the magic-man Kent Nilsson), Ryan O'Marra (aka Godzilla) and the Islanders' first round pick in 2007.

It is my estimation that most of the Edmonton faithful will be calling for the head of Kevin Lowe over the next few months. You should expect to hear comments like;

"How can you trade the heart of the team?"

"Here we go again!"

"Lowe got bent over a barrel"

"FUCK."

In fact, you'll probably be hearing them as early as 1900 hours tonight, with Edmonton hosting Phoenix on the day Mark Messier's number is retired. Thankfully the game is televised locally on Sportsnet, allowing me hear all the catcalls.

What do I think of this transaction? For the past two weeks I have been of the opinion that Ryan Smyth *should* be traded.

WHA?

It's true.

All but the most hopelessly devoted fan would have realized that the Oilers were not going to make the playoffs, especially in light of recent injuries (Smid, Stoll, Gilbert, etc.). With Ryan Smyth being an unrestricted free agent at the end of the season, should we have risked losing him for nothing (a la Curtis Joseph)? Why not trade him for a bevy of assets?

Consider what the St. Louis Blues received in exchange for their UFAs:

Deal One:

To St. Louis:
2007 1st round pick
2007 3rd round pick
2008 2nd round pick
F Glen Metropolit

To Atlanta:
LW/C Keith Tkachuk

Deal Two:

To St. Louis:
LW/RW Ville Nieminen
F Jay Barriball
2007 1st round pick

To San Jose:
RW Bill Guerin

In addition to those two deals, other teams received the relative moon in exchange for their UFAs. Ladislav Nagy got the Phoenix Coyotes a roster player and a first round pick, Peter Forsberg got Philadelphia Scottie Upshall, Ryan Parent, as well as a first and a third round pick...and the list goes on. With that in mind, I think Lowe was right to strike while the iron is hot.

It should also be noted that, according to Team 1260, the Smyth camp was asking between $5.75 million and $6.00 million per season on a long-term contract and refused to budge from that number. If that is indeed the case, I can further understand the trade.

After the trade was completed, Don Meehan (Ryan Smyth's agent) was quoted by Team 1260 as saying the contract talks were quite civil and professional, so it is possible that Ryan Smyth could return next season. Will he? I would suggest that the chances of that happening are around 40% or so (I'm basing that more on my gut feeling than any tangible evidence)

I'm actually more excited for the 2008 Edmonton Oilers now than I was last week; we might have some growing pains, but we have a cornucopia of youth coming through the pipe...(those in italics are already with the big squad)

Ladislav Smid
Rob Schremp
Marc Pouliot
JF Jacques
Devan Dubnyk
Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers
Taylor Chorney
Andrew Cogliano
Ryan O'Marra
Robert Nilsson (pictured to the right)
Tom Gilbert
Patrick Thoreson
Viatcheslav Trukno
Danny Svret
Matt Roy

Now hopefully we will have a dedicated farm team for these men to play on next year...

Edmonton also has three first round draft picks in 2007. Will Lowe make a play to get into the top five? I think the draft & free agent signing period (for a list of next year's UFA players, you can head on over here.) will be quite interesting.

To conclude, I want to point out that the Islanders are getting a good hockey player. He's been a consistent outscorer the past couple of years while playing against the top lines of other teams, which I think goes unnoticed. He's great on the powerplay, he's great on the boards, he's an underrated passer...I don't think it is wrong to say that Ryan Smyth is of the top five left wingers in the game today.

But I hope the Islanders tank so we get a better draft pick.

Edit: I mistakenly put "Marcus" Nilsson instead of "Robert" Nilsson. My apologies.

The Lunatic is in my Head/The Tickets are in my Hand

2007-02-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Given that most of the music I enjoy was created before I was born, I've had few chances to see my favourite musicians perform live. In fact, the only "icon" I have seen perform live was David Bowie during his Reality tour. Pearl Jam was another band I've had the opportunity to see live, but they don't fall into my personal iconic category. Yet.

On man who does fall into that category is Roger Waters, co-founder and lead songwriter (after the passing of Syd Barrett) of Pink Floyd.

Recently I learned he was coming to Edmonton this summer, and tickets went on sale today. Guess who got a lower-bowl, 17th row seat for the big event? Ohhhhhhhhhhh baby, right by the stage. This is probably the only time I'll be able to see "Pink Floyd" live (unless David Gilmour makes a trip to Edmonton), so I ponied up the 165 greenbacks without a moment's hesitation.

The concert includes two sets and an encore, and apparently the second set will be Dark Side of the Moon in its entirety.

Now I just need to contain myself until June 24th.

Come on Baby What's the Word

2007-02-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

Word up; Sean Woods has been published.

If you include an official Edmonton Police Service brochure as a publication, that is. If you want to take a look, click here. You will need Adobe Acrobat Reader in order to view the brochure. I'm going to take some time to point out that I was forced to include "marihuana grow operations" instead of the grammatically correct "marihuana growing operations" in the brochure. Some grammatical battles you just can't win...not even the power of my arrogant swagger could change the minds of my superiors.

The most frustrating part of the entire process was having to continually point out the changes missed by the printer. It wasn't until proof ten that they actually managed to complete all of my requests. Aside from that, the Alberta Motor Association, who published & printed the brochure, was a pleasure to work with. Anyway, take a look at the brochure. I'm quite happy with how it turned out.

Now I just need to find the time to finish that CPTED brochure that I've had in mind for a while.

Cheers,
Sean

Ball of Contusion

2007-02-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

My friend Liam (of “In the Now” fame, linked on the right) and I often play the PC game known as “Madden 2007.” Our gaming is facilitated by the powers of the Internet; Liam plays his two games versus the CPU (henceforth referred to as “Madden”), compresses the “franchise file” and e-mails it to me. I in turn play my two games, zip the “franchise file,” yadda yadda, I’m sure you get the picture. This allows us to complete full 16 game seasons very quickly.

Until recently, we had been dominating Madden like never before; scores of 63-10 in favour of the human player were not uncommon. While such domination is somewhat satisfying, the lack of challenge became an issue. So it was decided that we would increase the level of difficulty from “All-Pro” (advanced) to “All-Madden” (Madden’s going to fuck you up). My only experience with All-Madden was approximately two years ago, and I believe I lost by 90 or more points – but I did manage to set a record for most kick return yards. For those uneducated in the sport of American football, this means I gave up many, many touchdowns, and as a result found myself returning several kickoffs. Ten of them, at the very least.

Soon after the difficultly level was changed I received the “franchise” file from Liam. I then began my first game with great trepidation. I’m not going to bore you with the details (mostly because my incredible anger won’t let me remember), but suffice to say I was losing by a great deal by the time the fourth quarter came around. Interceptions for touchdowns, fumble recoveries for touchdowns, one play drives, you name it. My sanity was hanging by a thread, which was soon cut by a 50 yard Cedric Benson romp to the endzone. By my estimation he broke four tackles on the way to paydirt, which incidentally marked the last of 28 points scored by the Bears (my opponent) in the fourth quarter.

Enraged, I violently dropped my PC gamepad on the desk and threw my hands in the air. At this time I should mention that I don’t sit on a traditional chair while using the computer; I sit on a large exercise ball. Why is this important? Well, when I threw my arms into the air and cursed Madden, I lost my balance. By the time I realized this I could not reach the desk, nor was there anything else in range that I could grasp to regain my balance. As all was lost, I decided to enjoy the ride as best I could. Unfortunately the only enjoyment received was the rush of endorphins that attempted to stem the pain suffered when I crashed into the coffee table behind me. Please see the diagram below for further illustration.

The result of the crash?

While the picture quality is not quite up to par, it does identify the sizeable contusion located on my right (inner) forearm. The dimensions of the bruise are four (4) inches long and two (2) inches thick.

Even in real life, All-Madden gets the best of me.

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week XI

2006-11-16T19:43:00.000-07:00

Buffalo at Houston

Chicago at N.Y. Jets

Cincinnati at New Orleans

Minnesota at Miami

New England at Green Bay

Oakland at Kansas City

Pittsburgh at Cleveland

St. Louis at Carolina

Tennessee at Philadelphia

Washington at Tampa Bay

Detroit at Arizona

Seattle at San Francisco

Indianapolis at Dallas

San Diego at Denver

N.Y. Giants at Jacksonville

Sadly, another post without creative content...

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week X

2006-11-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

Work
Stupid Busy
Make Picks
Move Zig

This week's games are brought to you by X, the man with X-ray eyes.

Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Baltimore at Tennessee
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Buffalo at Indianapolis
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Cleveland at Atlanta
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Green Bay at Minnesota
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Houston at Jacksonville
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Kansas City at Miami
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	NY Jets at New England
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	San Diego at Cincinnati
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	San Francisco at Detroit
Nov. 12, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Washington at Philadelphia
Nov. 12, 2006	4:05 p.m.	Denver at Oakland
Nov. 12, 2006	4:15 p.m.	Dallas at Arizona
Nov. 12, 2006	4:15 p.m.	New Orleans at Pittsburgh
Nov. 12, 2006	4:15 p.m.	St. Louis at Seattle
Nov. 12, 2006	8:15 p.m.	Chicago at NY Giants
Nov. 13, 2006	8:30 p.m.	Tampa Bay at Carolina

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week IX

2006-11-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my 15th or so uncreative post in a row; here's this week's schedule. As I'm stupidly busy, the standings won't be up for a while.

Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Atlanta Falcons at Detroit Lions
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Green Bay Packers at Buffalo Bills
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Houston Texans at NY Giants
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Kansas City Chiefs at St. Louis Rams
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Miami Dolphins at Chicago Bears
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	New Orleans Saints at Tampa Bay Bucs
Nov. 5, 2006	1:00 p.m.	Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Nov. 5, 2006	4:05 p.m.	Minnesota Vikings at San Francisco 49ers
Nov. 5, 2006	4:15 p.m.	Cleveland Browns at San Diego Chargers
Nov. 5, 2006	4:15 p.m.	Denver Broncos at Pittsburgh Steelers
Nov. 5, 2006	8:15 p.m.	Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots
Nov. 6, 2006	8:30 p.m.	Oakland Raiders at Loserville Sh!thawks

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week VIII

2006-10-23T19:15:00.000-06:00

And then there was one.

With the elimination of Team Sean (damn you, Oakland Raiders), Team MIah is the sole survivor of the Suicide By Death Metal Challenge. Hopefully he will continue to make picks and see if he can take it to the house. Congratulations Team MIAh.

Oh, and it warms my heart to learn that the Sh!thawks lost another key player. Starting QB Matt Hasselbeck will be out two to four weeks with a knee injury. Suffer, Loserville, suffer!

The Death Metal Players, in order of standing:

Team MIAh
Week VII: 7 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: Philadelphia, Loserville, Baltimore, Dallas, Indianapolis, Chicago, Denver
Overall: 66 wins, 34 losses

Team BisonWeb
Week VII: 7 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously eliminated.
Overall: 62 wins, 38 losses

Team Sean
Week VII: 6 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Incorrect. Suicide by Death Metal
Overall: 61 wins, 39 losses

Team Dalv
Week VII: 8 wins, 5 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 53 wins, 34 losses

Team Jeff
Week VII: No selections.
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 31 wins, 27 losses

Team Earl J. Woods
Week VII: No selections.
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 31 wins, 40 losses

Week eight provides us with some interesting matchups, including the Houston Texans flying into Tennessee to play the team formerly known as the Houston Oilers.

Arizona Cardinals @ Green Bay Packers
Altanta Falcons @ Cincinnati Bengals
Baltimore Ravens @ New Orleans Saints
Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Philadelphia Eagles
Loserville Sh!thawks @ Kansas City Chiefs
San Francisco 49ers @ Chicago Bears
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ NY Giants
St. Louis Rams @ San Diego Chargers
Indianapolis Colts @ Denver Broncos
NY Jets @ Cleveland Browns
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Oakland Raiders
Dallas Cowboys @ Carolina Panthers
New England @ Minnesota Vikings

Yahoo! Fantasy Football Results:

Police Brutality 69, Tayvianites 40
Regina Ovaries 73, The Swords 42
Figs' Footballers 132, Hammers 82
Funkstars 61.5, Team BisonWeb 44
DUMMY TEAM 74, Assen's Assassins 66

Yahoo! Fantasy Football Standings:

Rank	Team	W-L-T
1.	Figs' Footballers	6-1-0
2.	Funkstars	6-1-0
3.	Hammers	5-2-0
4.	DUMMY TEAM	4-3-0
5.	Police Brutality	4-3-0
6.	Regina Ovaries	4-3-0
7.	Team BisonWeb	2-5-0
8.	The Swords	2-5-0
9.	Tayvianites	1-6-0
10.	Assen's Assassins	1-6-0

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week VII

2006-10-19T17:02:00.000-06:00

Wow. The week of Satan was a complete and utter disaster; at least for Teams BisonWeb, Earl and Sean. Team MIah is currently in first place with a 59 and 28 record.

Of note: Team Sean and Team MIah are the only two teams remaining in the Suicide by Death Metal Challenge.

Team MIAh
Week VI: 10 wins, 3 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: Philadelphia, Loserville, Baltimore, Dallas, Indianapolis, Chicago
Overall: 59 wins, 28 losses

Team BisonWeb
Week VI: 6 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Incorrect. Suicide by Death Metal.
Suicide Picks Used: New England, San Diego, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Chicago
Overall: 55 wins, 32 losses

Team Sean
Week VI: 6 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Cleveland, Minnesota, Denver
Overall: 55 wins, 32 losses

Team Dalv
Week VI: No selections.
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 45 wins, 29 losses

Team Jeff
Week VI: No selections.
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 31 wins, 27 losses

Team Earl J. Woods
Week VI: 6 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 31 wins, 40 losses

Behold...week 7!

Carolina Panthers @ Cincinnati Bengals
Detroit Lions @ New York Jets
Green Bay Packers @ Miami Dolphins
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Houston Texans
New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills
Philadelphia Eagles @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Atlanta Falcons
San Diego Chargers @ Kansas City Chiefs
Denver Broncos @ Cleveland Browns
Arizona Cardinals @ Oakland Raiders
Minnesota Vikings @ Loserville Sh!thawks (aka Seattle Seahawks)
Washington Redskins @ Indianapolis Colts
New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys

Yahoo! Fantasy football results:

Another week, another humiliating loss for the Police Brutality. Now even at three wins and three loses, the Brutality need to step it up to secure a playoff berth.

The scores:

Figs' Footballers ONE HUNDRED FIFTY TWO, Police Brutality 86
Regina Ovaries 82, Tayvianites 57
Hammers 103, Funkstars 72
DUMMY TEAM 139, Team BisonWeb 74
The Swords 53, Assen's Assassins 40

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week VI

2006-10-11T18:39:00.000-06:00

Team MIah possibly set a DMC record this week with a sparkling 13 and 1 record. Combining Team MIah's performance with Team SEAN's 12 win week, we now bear witness to a three way tie atop the DMC standings.

Overall it was a splendid week for the DMC Players, as four teams had double digit win totals and no one had a sub .500 record. Hopefully this continues into week five. Kudos to Team EARL for attempting to go back and time to make his week one picks. Unfortunately, he mistakenly used the schedule from week two...

Your up-to-date standings, courtesy of Death Metal Records. Don't just go metal - go DEATH METAL.

Team BisonWeb
Week V: 10 wins, 4 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, San Diego, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Chicago
Overall: 49 wins, 25 losses

Team Sean
Week V: 12 wins, 2 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Cleveland, Minnesota
Overall: 49 wins, 25 losses

Team MIAh
Week V: 13 wins, 1 loss
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: Philadelphia, Loserville, Baltimore, Dallas, Indianapolis
Overall: 49 wins, 25 losses

Team Dalv
Week V: 11 wins, 3 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 45 wins, 29 losses

Team Jeff
Week V: 8 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 31 wins, 27 losses

Team Earl J. Woods
Week V: 8 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 25 wins, 33 losses

Make your picks for the week of the beast, week 6(66).

Buffalo Bills at Detroit Lions
Carolina Panthers at Baltimore Ravens
Cincinnati Bengals at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Houston Texans at Dallas Cowboys
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta Falcons
Philadelphia Eagles at New Orleans Saints
Loserville Sh!thawks at St. Louis Rams
Tennessee Titans at Washington Redskins
Kansas City Chiefs at Pittsburgh Steelers
Miami Dolphins at N.Y. Jets
San Diego Super Chargers at San Francisco 49ers
Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos
Chicago Bears at Arizona Cardinals

Yahoo! Fantasy football results:

The Brutality posted their second loss of the season, dropping their record to 3 and 2. Most of the blame can be laid on the shoulders of receiver Mushin Muhammad, who somehow registered a total of ZERO catches.

Congratulations to Assens' Assassins, who posted their first win of the season.

Other scores:

Figs' Footballers 81, Regina Ovaries 68
Hammers 66, Team BisonWeb 62
Assen's Assassins 55, Tayvianites 41
DUMMY TEAM 80, The Swords 31

I Still Miss Bill Clinton

2006-10-03T19:57:00.000-06:00

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week V

2006-10-03T16:22:00.000-06:00

Team BisonWeb is clearly at the head of the class this week, posting a spectacular 12 - 2 record. Congratulations to both Coach Liam and his beloved Houston Texans, who won their first game of the year. Team Sean almost found their participation in the Suicide by Death Metal Challenge at an end, but thankfully the Cleveland Browns came away with the victory. Regardless of Clevand's heroics, Team BisonWeb passed Team Sean to claim first place in the DMC.

Picutres are coming, fear not.

Team BisonWeb
Week IV: 12 wins, 2 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, San Diego, Baltimore, Philadelphia
Overall: 39 wins, 21 losses

Team Sean
Week IV: 8 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, Cincinnati, Baltimore, Cleveland
Overall: 37 wins, 23 losses

Team MIAh
Week IV: 9 wins, 5 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: Philadelphia, Loserville, Baltimore, Dallas
Overall: 36 wins, 24 losses

Team Dalv
Week IV: 7 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 34 wins, 26 losses

Team Jeff
Week IV: 9 wins, 5 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 23 wins, 21 losses

Team Earl J. Woods
Week IV: 5 wins, 9 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 17 wins, 27 losses

This week's menu of games should provide for a bit of drama with Terrell Owens returning to Philadelphia. On a related note, did anyone else hear the Philadelphia fans chant "Asshole" every time Michael Irvin opened his mouth this past Monday? Sensational!

Pick with precision, prognosticators.

Buffalo Bills at Chicago Bears
Cleveland Browns at Carolina Panthers
Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings
Miami Dolphins at New England Patriots
St. Louis Rams at Green Bay Packers
Tampa Bay Bucanners at New Orleans Saints
Tennessee Titans at Indianapolis Colts
Washington Redskins at NY Giants
Kansas City Chiefs at Arizona Cardinals
NY Jets at Jacksonville Jaguars
Oakland Raiders at San Francisco 49ers
Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles
Pittsburgh Steelers at San Diego Chargers
Baltimore Ravens at Denver Broncos

Yahoo! Fantasy football results:

Rebounding from a lopsided defeat last week, the Police Brutality tipped over Team BisonWeb in a 83 - 82.5 victory. Santana Moss' third touchdown of the afternoon sent Team BisonWeb to pasture late in the fourth quarter. So continues my domination of Team BisonWeb in all things (not including the current DMC standings)

Other Scores:

Funkstars 83, Regina Ovaries 78
Hammers 79, Dummy Team 74
Figs' Footballers 65, Assen's Assassins 30.5
The Swords 52, Tayvianites 35

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week IV

2006-09-26T17:49:00.000-06:00

Again, not a strong week for the Death Metal Players. Team Earl J. Woods suffered the most, but hopes to improve his record now that he knows each team's nickname.

In other DMC news, Cleveland tried their best to put an end to the Suicide By Death Metal Challenge. Thankfully Baltimore forced a turnover late in the game and kicked the winning field goal shortly thereafter (thus saving the collective behinds of Teams Sean, BisonWeb, and MIah).

Team Sean is now in sole possession of 1st place with a record of 29 wins and 17 losses.

Team Earl J. Woods
Week III: 5 wins, 9 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 12 wins, 18 losses

Team BisonWeb
Week III: 8 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, San Diego, Baltimore
Overall: 27 wins, 19 losses

Team Jeff
Week III: 7 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 14 wins, 16 losses

Team Dalv
Week III: 9 wins, 5 losses
Suicide Pick: Previously Eliminated
Overall: 27 wins, 19 losses

Team Sean
Week III: 10 wins, 4 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, Cincinnati, Baltimore
Overall: 29 wins, 17 losses

Team MIAh
Week III: 9 wins, 5 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: Philadelphia, Loserville, Baltimore
Overall: 27 wins, 19 losses

(note: I haven't double-checked the above results yet...I just wanted to get this up)

Behold this week's picks, now including team nicknames!

Arizona Cardinals at Atlanta Falcons
Dallas Cowboys at Tennessee Titans
Indianapolis Colts at N.Y. Jets
Miami Dolphins at Houston Texans
Minnesota Vikings at Buffalo Bills
New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers
San Diego Chargers at Baltimore Ravens
San Francisco 49ers at Kansas City Chiefs
Detroit Lions at St. Louis Rams
Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders
Jacksonville Jaguars at Washington Redskins
New England Patriots at Cincinnati Bengals
Loserville Sh!thaws at Chicago Bears
Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles

Yahoo! Fantasty Football Results

It was not a good outing for the Police Brutality, as they were demolished to the tune of 110 - 61. Kudos to The Hammers for a truly dominating win.

Other scores:

Regina Ovaries 79, Team BisonWeb 59
Funkstars 95, Assen's Assassins 41
Figs' Footballers 92, The Swords 47
Tayvianites 70 , DUMMY TEAM 57

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week III

2006-09-18T21:43:00.000-06:00

Did the DMC players manage to recover from a not-so-fabulous first week? Not really. Kudos to Team Earl J. Woods for picking both Jacksonville AND Pittsburgh to win. It isn't very often that there can be two winners in one game, unless you count the Special Olympics, where everyone is a winner.

Team Sean and Team BisonWeb currently lead the way with 19 wins each.

Team Sean
Week II: 10 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, Cincinnati
Overall: 19 wins, 13 losses

Team BisonWeb
Week II: 10 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: New England, San Diego
Overall: 19 wins, 13 losses

Team MIAh
Week II: 10 wins, 6 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct
Suicide Picks Used: Philadelphia, Loserville
Overall: 18 wins, 14 losses

Team Dalv
Week II: 9 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Oakland, incorrect. Suicide by death metal.
Overall: 18 wins, 14 losses

Team Jeff
Week II: 7 wins, 9 losses
Suicide Pick: Eliminated as of week (shudder) I.
Overall: 7 wins, 9 losses

Team Earl J. Woods
Week II: 7 wins, 9 losses
Suicide Pick: Incorrect. Suicide by death metal.
Overall: 7 wins, 9 losses

For your prediction pleasure, I present the games of week three. As always, don't forget to make your suicide prediction (unless your name is Jeff, Earl or Vlad...er, Dalv).

Carolina at Tampa Bay
Chicago at Minnesota
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Green Bay at Detroit
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo
Tennessee at Miami
Washington at Houston
Baltimore at Cleveland
N.Y. Giants at Loserville
Philadelphia at San Francisco
St. Louis at Arizona
Denver at New England
Atlanta at New Orleans

Yahoo! Fantasy football results:

Another week, another victory for the Police Brutality. While some predicted that DUMMY TEAM's high powered offense would prove too much for the Brutality, defensive tackle Adailus Thomas contributed seven tackles and a sack en route to a 97 - 83 victory.

Other scores:

Regina Ovaries 89, Hammers 74
Team BisonWeb 96, Assen's Assassins 43 (ouch)
Funkstars 65, The Swords 51
Figs' Footballers 92, Tayvianites 57

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

2006-09-15T21:35:00.000-06:00

Unless you are blind, you might have noticed some changes to my blog. I think it turned out fairly well overall, although ensuring that all the text was visible against the background was a very frustrating chore.

The only other changes I can forsee would be a 'fix' of the profile section (as the text is not justified as I would like) and perhaps the addition of more links. I'd like to see a return of "quote of the day" and "trippin' through history" as well, but I don't recall where I found those programs originally.

I wouldn't mind the sidebar being moved 'up' to the top of the page, either.

Cheers,

Sean

Oh, Those Wacky Islanders

2006-09-12T21:19:00.000-06:00

The New York Islanders have signed goaltender Rick Dipietro to a 15 year contract valued at 67.5 million dollars.

At first I was surprised, but then I thought about the Islanders' recent history...

They had signed Alexei Yashin to a 10 year, 90 million dollar contract in the past;
Owner Charles Wang once suggested that they sign a Sumo wrestler to tend the goal... "The goal is only this big," Wang says, stretching his arms apart. "We've got a guy who can fill half of it. That's not as good as a guy who can fill 75 or 100% of it."
Backup goaltender Garth Snow was elevated to the position of general manager immediately upon his retirement as a professional hockey player;
They once sported the logo below, which was known in some circles as the "Captain Highliner Jersey;"

Yar, this be a messed up franchise

Truth be told, I'm a bit surprised that Rick Dipietro signed the contract. Assuming that revenues increase in the future, the salary cap, and player salaries, will rise accordingly. In a few short years he could find himself at the mid-range of the goaltender salary scale as opposed to being in the top third.

Barring any future contract renegotiation (or any changes in the CBA, as this contract will probably carry through three of them), he will be under contract until he is forty. I suppose one advantage for the player in this case is security; the contract is fully guaranteed, which means Dipietro will receive the entire sum if he sustains a career ending injury.

I bet that Neil Smith (who was fired only weeks after taking the position of GM with the Islanders) is laughing, wherever he may be.

Maybe I'll go ask for a 15 year contract tomorrow. Wait, my job sucks...

NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE Week II

2006-09-12T17:59:00.000-06:00

All in all, it wasn't a very good week for the Death Metal Players.

Team Sean
Week I
DMC: 9 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct. New England can no longer be used.

Team BisonWeb
Week I
DMC: 9 wins, 7 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct. New England can no longer be used.

Team MIAh
Week I
DMC: 8 wins, 8 losses
Suicide Pick: Correct. Philadelphia can no longer be used.

Team Dalv
Week I
DMC: 9 wins, 7 losses (assuming I interpreted his comments correctly)
Suicide Pick: Correct. Minnesota can no longer be used.

Team Jeff
Week I
DMC: No selections.
Suicide Pick: Incorrect. Suicide by Death Metal.

Team Earl J. Woods
Week I
DMC: No selections.
Suicide Pick: No selection.

The result that really surprised me was Jacksonville defeating Dallas. I really didn't think that the Jaguars could score against the Dallas defence. Atlanta over Carolina was somewhat of a shocker to me as well.

On a disturbing note, Oakland wide receiver Jerry Porter apparenty laughed and pumped his fist after quarterback Aaron Brooks (Porter's teammate) was sacked for the seventh time. Gotta love those Radiers.

Porter seen running away from an angry Coach Shell

Later on, Porter told ESPN "The San Francisco Chronicle report was not true, I wasn't even paying attention to the game. The fist-pumping was in response to some fans that were talking to me when I was sitting on the sidelines." So he wasn't even watching the game? Jerry, do you think that watching how the opposing defence operates might have been a better idea than jawing with the fans? Geez.

Onto this week's sked; please indicate your NFL Suicide By Death Metal selection after your regular DMC predictions.

Buffalo at Miami
Carolina at Minnesota
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Detroit at Chicago
Houston at Indianapolis
New Orleans at Green Bay
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia
Oakland at Baltimore
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Arizona at Seattle
St. Louis at San Francisco
Kansas City at Denver
New England at N.Y. Jets
Tennessee at San Diego
Washington at Dallas
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville

While on the topic of football, I want to mention that the Police Brutality (coached by Sean Woods) defeated the Regina Ovaries (coached by MIah) 86 - 49 in Yahoo! fantasty football action. Ronnie Brown led the Brutality to victory with two rushing touchdowns.

Other scores:

Hammers 90, Assen's Assassins 49
Team BisonWeb 61, Swords 53
Funkstars 71, Tayvianites 50
DUMMY TEAM 91, Figs' Footballers 77

The Jive Turkey Classic?

2006-09-11T18:32:00.000-06:00

While on the subject of hockey, I was curious if anyone would be interested in celebrating Thanksgiving by playing a game of hockey.

Unless my Thanksgiving knowledge is failing me, this holiday falls on the second Monday in October...that would mean a game on October 7, 8 or 9. The reason I suggest Thanksgiving is because I would imagine everyone will be home for the holidays.

If you need further convincing, please take into account all the effort I put into this Jive Turkey Classic picture. That alone should be enough to sway you.

Turkey makes his move while Dylan tries to "gobble" up the rebound

Please let me know of your availability as soon as you can - and invite your friends! If this effort should fail, I imagine that Christmas would be the next logical choice for a game.

As always, Leduc is the planned location. However, I am entirely open to the possibility of playing in Edmonton. If anyone out there knows of a suitable place, please leave a comment. Somewhere on the south side would probably work best (sorry Robby).

Keep on diggin' it,
Sean

Edit: I should mention that this invitation is open to anyone, not just those in my circle of friends.

Hockey Night In Edmonton

2006-09-11T17:13:00.000-06:00

Thanks to one of the of local independent magazines (it was either See or Vue), I recently learned of the Edmonton Sport and Social Club. The mandate of this organization is...

...to encourage people to "Get In The Game"!! The ESSC offers well organized adult co-ed sports leagues for all skill levels, from recreational to competitive. Our players have the best time possible with our fun first, winning second attitude. We are one of the few sports leagues in the city that allow people to sign up as an individual, in a small group, or as a full team. Our leagues are about getting out and having a good time with old friends or new!

Seeing as it is difficult to arrange street hockey nowadays (given family commitments and what not), the ESSC provides me with the opportunity to play the sport I enjoy most. An added bonus is the social aspect of the league, as I have found that it is increasingly difficult to make new friends as I age (especially when everyone I work with is at least 15 years my senior). Not to mention that all my single (Male) friends live out of town.

and maybe I'll meet some athletic & voluptuous sports babes

There are three leagues; rec, rec plus and intermediate. I settled on rec plus, as the rec league description was "Skilled players or teams should NOT register for this level where passing, goaltending and shooting should be sketchy!" Intermediate was definitely a no-go, due to fat.

What cinched my decision is that all the venues appear to be within 20-30 minutes of my apartment via Edmonton Transit.

Look for game reports in the future.

Hopefully there will be a lot of this...

...and not so much of this...

I'm honestly quite excited. If anyone else wants to join in on the fun, head on over to the ESSC website for more information.

NFL SUICIDE BY DEATH METAL CHALLENGE

2006-09-05T16:52:00.000-06:00

As an addendum to the regular NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE, I present you with the NFL SUICIDE BY DEATH METAL CHALLENGE.

Here is how it works: each week, you select one team that you feel cannot lose. If that team wins, you move onto the next round. If your team loses, well, you're out of the competition. Bear in mind that you can choose each team only once - so you can't pick Indianapolis every week.

Example: Liam picks Detroit over Loserville in week one. If Detroit somehow defeats Loserville, Liam advances to the next week and can never again select Detroit. However, if Loserville is victorious, Liam is out of the pool and has to sit on the sidelines.

If I don't get enough responses by Sunday, I'll postpone the start of the NFL SUICIDE BY DEATH METAL CHALLENGE until September 17th.

Cheers,
Sean

Note: This has no effect on the regular NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE standings.

Get Ready for...NFL DEATH METAL CHALLENGE

2006-09-04T21:48:00.000-06:00

Another season of NFL football, another season of the NFL Death Metal Challenge.

Who will rise to the top this year?

Jeremiah?

Team BISONWEB?

Jeff?

Dylan?

Earl?

Sean?

A stranger?

Are any of these individuals brave enough to participate? More importantly, will my Shaw connection stay stable for the length of the season?

Prepare yourselves - IT HAS BEGUN.

Week 1

Miami at Pittsburgh	8:30 p.m.
Sunday, Sep. 10
GAME	TIME
Atlanta at Carolina	1:00 p.m.
Baltimore at Tampa Bay	1:00 p.m.
Buffalo at New England	1:00 p.m.
Cincinnati at Kansas City	1:00 p.m.
Denver at St. Louis	1:00 p.m.
New Orleans at Cleveland	1:00 p.m.
N.Y. Jets at Tennessee	1:00 p.m.
Philadelphia at Houston	1:00 p.m.
Seattle at Detroit	1:00 p.m.
Chicago at Green Bay	4:15 p.m.
Dallas at Jacksonville	4:15 p.m.
San Francisco at Arizona	4:15 p.m.
Indianapolis at N.Y. Giants	8:15 p.m.
Monday, Sep. 11
GAME	TIME
Minnesota at Washington	7:00 p.m.
San Diego at Oakland	10:15 p.m.

Tiny, Tiny Update

2006-07-29T16:42:00.000-06:00

The new hyperlink "My Photos" has been added under the (surprise) links section of my blog. Clicking on this link will take you to my flickr page, where you can view my photos and leave comments if you so desire. Currently the only images uploaded are from "The April Classic" (including all 35 mm photos) and a trip to Fort Edmonton Park.

Hopefully I will find some time to update the look of my blog, as I find this template somewhat stale.

Catch you on the flipside,

Sean.

Vader Ain't No Jive Turkey

2006-07-29T14:18:00.000-06:00

Amazing. Just amazing.

What the F#!K?

2006-07-12T16:30:00.000-06:00

Who broke my blog?

Hmm.

Edit: I just picked a random template for now. Stupid blogger.

Editing my Edit: I've added some links to the right hand column.

Sibling Suffering, Act I

2006-07-08T22:58:00.000-06:00

Location: Leaf Rapids, Manitoba.

Date: Unknown. Presumably between 1977 - 1979.

I'm told that I was a "good baby;" the definition of which being that I was quiet and well-behaved. This was a happy time. A time of joy, of blissful innocence.

Sadly, that innocence was shattered the day I had my first cigarette.

Sibling Suffering, Act I

"STOP SMOKING, PLEASE"

My parents were smokers. Long before Bob Woods threatened to kick me in the ribs for chewing too much gum, he smoked. Long before Liz Woods started calling me by the cat's name, she smoked. One obvious consequence of smoking is that cartons of cigarettes are left around the home.

On one fateful day, a carton was left within a baby's reach. My reach.

Crawling with all of my might, I made my way towards the shiny package. The only obstacle in my way was my brother, who was old enough to know that babies and cigarettes probably shouldn't go together. Unfortunately, I think his curiosity got the best of him, and he merely stood by to watch the drama unfold.

Somehow I was able to open the carton of cigarettes. At this time you would hope that the elder sibling would step in before something bad happened. If your sibling wasn't Earl, that is; he was still content to act as an impartial observer. Free of any parental supervision, I did what every baby would have done with something small and new.

I put the cigarette in my mouth and began to chew.

Me, circa '77-79

After a few chomps, I coughed up the tobacco on the floor and probably began to cry. I can only presume that Earl laughed hysterically, given that is how he usually reacts when people suffer. Admittedly, I don't remember many of the details, but I can tell you one thing with absolute certainty: cigarette tobacco does NOT taste good.

*Note: Earl, I don't want to hear how you only did this to ensure that I wouldn't take up smoking.

As I type this, I realize that I have no idea what mum & dad's reaction was to Earl's indifference.

Addendum: Until recently, I thought this event was the reason why my parents quit smoking. It turns out that someone bet dad X amount of money that he couldn't give up smoking for X period of time. Long story short, dad won the bet.

Sibling Suffering: A Tale of Abuse in Five Parts

2006-07-08T22:45:00.000-06:00

I have a brother.

His name is Earl.

Seven years my elder, Earl has, for the most part, been an excellent sibling. He has watched out for me, offered advice, and is generally a caring person.

But does this make up for a history of abuse and neglect? That is the question at hand.

Over the next few blog entries, I will share five tales of woe that will chill you to the core...a written history of how Earl has tormented his little brother.

Your perceptions of Earl could, nay, will be changed forever.

Rant: The Hit Musical

2006-07-06T15:54:00.000-06:00

For those that are unaware, my current position with the Crime Prevention Unit has gone from "provisional" to "permanent full-time." This means that I no longer work for staff support, but instead for the Edmonton Police Service.

Good news, right? You would think so.

HOWEVER

I received my "employment package" in the mail recently, which included my new salary. Given that I have been employed by the City for eighteen months, received nothing but outstanding evaluations, and have gone far above and beyond any job description, I expected a raise. I thought to myself "Self, a two dollar raise would do me for now."

Instead, I have to settle for 40 cents. Little did I know that they would start me on the second lowest rung of the pay scale for my job classification. Not only am I insulted, but I think my take-home pay will actually go DOWN, as I will have to pay for a benefit package.

To commemorate this event, I've composed the main theme for the upcoming musical "Rant" (loosely based on "Rent").

788,400 minutes, 788,400 moments of rage.
788,400 minutes - how do you measure, measure my time at work?
In union fees, lack of benefits, in midnights, in bending over backwards.
In pay, in hours, in bitterness, in strife.
In 788,400 minutes - how do you measure my time at work?
How about frustration? How about frustration? How about frustration? Measure in frustration
Seasons of frustration.

SOLOIST 1
788,400 minutes! 788,400 resumes to plan.
788,400 minutes - how can you measure the life of a frustrated young man?

SOLOIST 2
In truths that he learned, or in times that he sighed.
Jobs he should have spurned, or the way his brain fried.

COMPANY
It's time now to speak out, tho the story never ends
let's complain about a year and a half of work.
Remember the frustration! Remember the frustration! Remember the frustration! Measure in frustration.
Seasons of frustration! Seasons of frustration.

*original lyrics found here
*example of frustration shown below

That said, it isn't all bad. The projects I am assigned are quite interesting most of the time, and I work with truly remarkable people. Perhaps a testament to this can be found in my recent string of job interviews that, quite frankly, I probably would not have obtained without having been employed by EPS. It's the lack of support I get from human resources and administration that really bothers me.

What I really need is a job the challenges me, both intellectually and creatively. This is something I need to make happen.

I've Had it with These Mother Fuckin' Snakes on This Mother Fuckin' Plane

2006-06-11T18:24:00.000-06:00

Who's coming with me opening night?

NHL DEATH METAL PLAYOFF CHALLENGE: THE FINALS

2006-06-03T14:14:00.000-06:00

First off, I apologize for the long breaks between entries. I'm really quite stressed and burned out, so I haven't had the impetus to post as of late.

With that out of the way, I bring you the NHL Death Metal Playoff Challenge Finals!

LEADERBOARD

Team Jeremiah: 9 of 14
Team Jeff: 9 of 14
Team Robby: 9 of 14
Team Jenn: 8 of 14
Team Sean: 7 of 14
Team Dylan: 4 of 14
Team BISONWEB: 5 of 14
Team Derek: 3 of 14

Gentleman (and lady), place your bets! Carolina VS Edmonton.

I still have a hard time believing that Edmonton is in the Stanley Cup final.

PS: If I have tabulated the standings incorrectly, someone point it out to me. If they ARE incorrect, I blame fatigue and eyestrain.

My Phone is Missing

2006-05-29T19:07:00.000-06:00

I think I left my phone in Earl's car, or possibly in Earl's office.

You know what my first thought was?

"Man, I've gotta call Earl and tell him I lost my phone."

I'm an idiot.

Random Photo Time (RPT):

Earl can only get me to build so much stuff before I snap.

7:27 PM Update: The phone was in my messenger bag. Hurrah!

NHL DEATH METAL PLAYOFF CHALLENGE: Round III

2006-05-17T21:02:00.000-06:00

Make your picks!

Carolina VS Buffalo
Anaheim VS Edmonton

(I'll formulate a full post tomorrow)

OFFICIAL Crime Free Multi-Housing Booty

2006-05-04T21:29:00.000-06:00

I present to you the CFMH sledgehammer.

Great for chasing vagrants off your property!

Sean Woods - Crimefighter

2006-05-04T18:22:00.000-06:00

Doing my part to prevent identity theft

Today, my Sgt. asked me to think of some ideas for promotional merchandise that the Crime Prevention Unit can pass out during trade shows and the like.

"So like booty." I said, meaning booty in the pirate sense. However, the Sgt. didn't hear it that way - and she responded accordingly...

"Booty? Sean, if you want booty - you just go head on over to the Vice section."

Badda bing, badda boom.

While on the topic of the Crime Prevention Unit, I have been tasked with performing two Crime Free Multi-Housing presentations at an "Alberta Public Housing Administrators' association" seminar this coming Wednesday. While I'm a bit nervous, I must admit that this is an experience that I'm looking forward to. In fact, this is the latest in a string of interesting projects that I have been asked to complete.

While I was originally hired only to update an electronic database, my duties quickly expanded to include the following:

Create Crime Prevention banners for Crime Prevention Week
Compose a vision and mission statement for the unit
Develop course material (including workbooks, PowerPoint presentations, selecting guest speakers, etc.) for Crime Free Multi-Housing (CFMH), CPTED and Cooperative Policing trainging seminars
Complete CFMH & CPTED assessments of local properties
Proofread & wordsmith correspondence for my colleagues
Develop a statistical methodology that tracks the effectiveness of the CFMH program
Update & revamp the Crime Prevention website (this has yet to occur, but is on the to-do list)
Other cool stuff

At the risk of stating the obvious, it's nice to feel like you're respected in the workplace. That, and it's great to work someplace where I can actually use some creativity (instead of just pressing buttons).

NHL Death Metal Playoff Challenge - ROUND TWO

2006-05-04T16:29:00.000-06:00

It was a tale of two conferences in the first round; all the top seeds in the east advanced, while their western counterparts fell to the wayside.

Some items from the opening salvo of NHL DMC 2006:

Jenn was the only person to pick Colorado to win
The capabilities of the Flames, Red Wings and Stars were vastly overestimated
Derek's attempt to cheat failed, as he went 3 and 8

Leaderboard

Team Jeremiah: 6 of 8
Team Jeff: 6 of 8
Team Robby: 5 of 8
Team Jenn: 5 of 8
Team Sean: 5 of 8
Team Dylan: 4 of 8
Team BISONWEB: 4 of 8
Team Derek: 3 of 8

For the time being, the Amazing Pitts Brothers are leading the charge. Hopefully that will change after round two is complete.

East:

Ottawa (1) vs. Buffalo (4)
Carolina (2) vs. New Jersey (3)

West:

San Jose (5) vs. Edmonton (8)
Anaheim (6) vs. Colorado (7)

V for Victory

2006-05-01T21:03:00.000-06:00

Edmonton 4
Detroit 3

Edmonton wins the series 4 games to 2. Thankfully my board meeting ended early*, so I arrived home just in time to see all the fireworks.

I'm so excited that it borders on insanity; it has been a LONG time since I was so enthralled with a hockey game.

That said, I think this victory calls for some old-fashioned death metal.

Gonna gonna go to round two
Gonna gonna make it through

Rotini box in my face
Putting Detroit in their place

Just got text messaged the score
Satan loves filthy whores

WHOOOORRRRRES
WHOOOORRRRRES

Hemsky sold his soul to the devil;
our unholy lord of Death Metal!

Yeah Death Metal
Yeah Death Metal

*I also left the meeting with $5 worth of Havarti cheese. Score.

Oh, and I'm almost done uploading the April Classic photos.

Hockey Day in Leduc

2006-04-24T19:25:00.000-06:00

This isn't a real post per se; rather, it is only the precursor to an entry yet to come.

I just wanted to tantalize you with a few pictures from "The April Classic." The photos captured by Earl are simply amazing.

Dylan looks on as I spring into action

Sean squared

Rob Vogt crashes the net with EXTREME vigor

Jeremiah, filled with disgust

I'm not going to write the full entry until I have received the high-resolution photos from Earl. Those could potentially be in my hands this coming weekend, along with the 35 mm photos.

NHL Death Metal Playoff Challenge

2006-04-19T21:49:00.000-06:00

Open to anyone, I present to you the inaugural NHL DEATH METAL PLAYOFF CHALLENGE.

The rules are simple: post your playoff predictions. The prize? ETERNAL DEATH METAL GLORY.

In the east:

Ottawa (1) vs. Tampa Bay (8)
Carolina (2) vs. Montreal (7)
New Jersey (3) vs. New York Rangers (6)
Buffalo (4) vs. Philadelphia (5)

And in the west:

Detroit (1) vs. Edmonton (8)
Dallas (2) vs. Colorado (7)
Calgary (3) vs. Anaheim (6)
Nashville (4) vs. San Jose (5)

Sean's Picks:

Ottawa (1) vs. Tampa Bay (8) Ottawa in six
Carolina (2) vs. Montreal (7) Carolina in six
New Jersey (3) vs. New York Rangers (6) New Jersey in seven
Buffalo (4) vs. Philadelphia (5) Buffalo in six
Detroit (1) vs. Edmonton (8) Detroit in six
Dallas (2) vs. Colorado (7) Dallas in six
Calgary (3) vs. Anaheim (6) Calgary in seven
Nashville (4) vs. San Jose (5) San Jose in five

I apologize for the lack of creativity, but I wanted to get this out as soon as possible (and I just don't have time to flesh out this entry at present time).

Long live Death Metal!!!!

Yeah Death Metal
Yeah Death Metal

Location, Location, Location

2006-04-15T18:31:00.000-06:00

Derek Lafay: Calm at Last

My main man Jeremiah scouted the Kinsmen Park in Leduc this past week, and has declared it ready for our occupancy. However, the nets were not in place, so we will have to use the smaller nets as provided by Robby. As no one has come forward with a more central location, I'm prepared to submit the Kinsmen Park as the final choice for the April Classic. Hopefully someone will find it in their heart to pick me up...

The date has been set for the 22nd, at approximately 1:30 PM (barring any further demands or family concerns).

Here is the current roster:

Absolutes

Sean Woods
Jeremiah Pitts
Dylan Purcell (straight out of Lethbridge, Alberta)
Rob Vogt
Steve Assen
Rob Ladner
Derek Lafay (conditional: depending on a truss-trip to Cowtown)
Liam Johnstone (provided there isn't any trouble at the "bottle drive")

Unknown/Not Contacted Yet

Brad Campbell (has not informed me of his availability yet)
Andrew Campbell (and friends?), will be contacted by Brad
Friends of Rob?
Friends of Jeremiah?
Other people I have overlooked

Please see my previous post (The Hockey News) for equipment information.

See you on the pavement,

Sean

Your 2005-2006 Edmonton Oilers

2006-04-13T11:05:00.000-06:00

If I were to pick one picture that exemplifies the season, it would be this one.

I don't think that I need to explain it any further.

Edit: Well, at least they're in the playoffs now.

The Hockey News (updated April 11, 2006)

2006-04-10T18:20:00.000-06:00

Big Derek take puck.

Update: To be clear, it is the weekend of the 22nd and 23rd that the game is going to take place. All other updates in bold print.

After placing a few phone calls, I have for you the current roster and equipment list for the upcoming April Classic:

Absolutes

Sean Woods
Jeremiah Pitts
Dylan Purcell (straight out of Lethbridge, Alberta)
Rob Vogt
Steve Assen
Rob Ladner
Derek Lafay

Conditional

Liam Johnstone (if he can get away from the home)
Brad Campbell (checking his schedule)

Unknown/Not Contacted Yet

Andrew Campbell (and friends?), will be contacted by Brad
Friends of Rob?
Friends of Jeremiah?
Other people I have overlooked

Current List of Equipment

two sets of goaltending pads (thanks to Brad Campbell), although one set might be of the smaller variety
undisclosed goaltending equipment, presumably pads & a stick (courtesy of Dylan Purcell)
two nets (thanks to Rob Ladner) of the smaller variety, in case the final location does not have nets on site
as stated in a previous post, I have extra right handed sticks for those that are without
giant water receptacles

Needed Equipment

extra hockey balls
possibly extra left handed sticks
goaltending helmets for those that want them
defibrillator

As far as location goes, I have Jeremiah scouting the Kinsmen park tennis court to determine if the nets are in place. If not, we can make due with the aforementioned nets of Rob's. Again, if anybody knows of a fenced-in location (or a location with boards) that would be more or less central to all parties, please let me know.

The EXACT date is yet to be decided, as certain individuals are still determining their availability.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any strokes, heart attacks or other physical ailments that take place during the game.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light!

2006-04-06T17:03:00.000-06:00

Hopefully your birthday gift from the Lions is a winning season.

Or perhaps the firing of Matt Millen.

PS: I know today actually isn't your birthday.

Good ol' Hockey Game

2006-04-05T10:11:00.000-06:00

Truly, the best game you can name (except perhaps for Hungry Hungry Hippos).

In celebration of the April births of Sean (that's me!) Jeremiah and Liam, it has been suggested that a hockey game be played on the weekend of April 22nd and 23rd.

It is most likely that the event will be held in Leduc, as most live in Leduc or on the south side of Edmonton. However, if somebody knows of a usable facility on Edmonton's south side, I'm sure many would be open to such a venue.

All are welcome to come (even ancient ones like Jeff), and the following have already agreed to participate:

Myself
Liam
Jeremiah
Steven (the white Henry Burris)
Rob

I think that's all, actually. In the coming days I plan on calling a few other people, as does Rob. If any of my readers know of others that would like to play, by all means invite them. The minimum amount of people needed to play is eight (8).

For those that shoot right handed, I have about five (5) right handed sticks that you can choose from. Additionally, if I can locate Brad & Andrew C., there SHOULD be two sets of goaltending pads at our disposal.

I will be using this blog for sign-up purposes and any updates.

See you on the 'ice,'

Sean

P.S./Edit: For those that plan to sign up via the blog, please let me know what day & time works best.

Like Sands Through the Hourglass...

2006-04-04T08:57:00.000-06:00

-30-

Rage in the Cage!

2006-04-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

Rage in the cage that is my apartment.

Get this;

The referee raised his arm in the air to signal that there was a delayed penalty. Edmonton had the puck at this time, and the referee did not blow his whistle. In our reality, this meant that the delayed penalty was against the Flames. Roloson was pulled for the extra attacker and Edmonton continued to cycle the puck in the Flames zone. A few seconds later, Torres scored and Edmonton pulled within a goal of Calgary.

Unfortunately, we're living in crazy*land.

*Crazy, but that’s how it goes

Stupid referee, his calls blow

Maybe it’s not to late

To throw down the gloves

And crack his dental plate

It turns out that the delayed penalty was against EDMONTON, but for whatever reason the referee didn't blow his whistle when the Oilers had possession of the puck. Calgary was awarded a powerplay and scores less than 20 seconds into their man advantage.

So instead of the game being 3-2, the score is 4-1.

How deflating is that? Oi, hockey can make me so angry.

This team REALLY needs to learn how to play through adversity; is this a coaching problem? I must admit, I was not pleased when MacT had Smyth take a faceoff in the defensive zone.

Calgary can play through adversity; it seems that Edmonton can't.

I'm going to watch my newly purchased copy of Godzilla 2000 and see if it makes me feel better. Heck, maybe I'll crack that bottle of Gibson's Finest too.

Go go Godzilla!

Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting

2006-04-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

At the end of two periods, the score is Calgary 3, Edmonton 1.

However, I don't think the score is indicative of which team has played the better game. I've been somewhat impressed with Edmonton thus far; I can't remember the last time they've been so physical, or shown so much emotion for that matter.

Not to mention Georges Laraque absolutely annihilating Chris Simon in a round of MORTAL KOMBAT. Speaking of Georges, I think he's really elevated his play over the last 10 to 15 games. While it isn't showing on the scoresheet, he is causing havoc in the offensive zone and tiring out the defending team.

Mike Peca is another Oiler who has played quite well over that same period...actually, ever since he spoke (or whined) out to the media he's been great. I heard a stat on the broadcast tonight indicating that he was +11 over the last 10 or so games, even though his scoring contribution was minimal. Considering that Peca often plays against the opposition's top scorers, this speaks volumes to his defensive contributions as of late.

M.A. Pouliot is another player who has impressed me in limited duty. The Oilers might have a good player on their hands.

Now...onto the bad.

The calling card of this team seems to be brutal giveaways at the worst possible time; this has been the case as long as I can remember. The first two Calgary goals were a direct result of completely boneheaded plays, although I must give the Flames credit for cashing in on those opportunities.

Something else that upsets me is the lack of an AHL affiliate. When are the powers that be going to understand that not having their own affiliate hampers the development of their prospects? Wouldn't it be nice for the Oilers to have a farm team so they can dictate which of their prospects play, and how much icetime they get? Sigh.

Anyway, I hope Edmonton comes back in the third period.

PS: If Kipprusof (pardon my spelling) doesn't finish in the top 3 for the Hart trophy, something is seriously wrong.

PPS: The third period is basically a disaster. RAGE.

I Call This Blog to Order

2006-03-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

For the past few months, I've been assisting the Edmonton Inner City Children's Project Society (EICCPS) in their fundraising endeavours. This consists primarily of developing fundraising proposals based on the organization's needs and services offered. Once teetering on the fine line between black and red, the EICCPS is now in a relatively healthy financial state; that is, as healthy as a small not-for-profit organization can get. There is often a degree of uncertainty involved, as there are hundreds (if not thousands) of other businesses looking for those same fundraising dollars.

Long story short, the EICCPS was able to get through a year in which streams of revenue looked like they were going to dry up. While I didn't actively seek out the sponsors, I would like to think that my creative efforts played an important role in securing added revenue.

It would appear that those efforts did not go unnoticed, as I have been unanimously nominated to serve as chair on the Board of Directors of "Friends of EICCPS." The board would be responsible for spearheading the fundraising efforts of the EICCPS, along with publishing written materials to educate the masses about the organization's programming.

I admit that I'm a bit hesitant to accept, as my ex-wife is the Executive Director of the EICCPS. That said, I wouldn't be working for her, as "Friends of EICCPS" is going to be an organization unto itself. The thought of working with Julia (my ex, for those that don't know) was quite weird at first; actually, it still is to a degree. Some of that weirdness is alleviated when I realize that I've already been working with her for close to a year.

This is an excellent opportunity for me, and it isn't really something I can afford to pass up. If things do become strange and uncomfortable, I can reserve my right to leave.

Bottom line...you know what ol' Sean Woods always says?

Ol' Sean Woods says "What the hell.*"

*this means that I'll most likely end up accepting the nomination

Papal Perversions

2006-03-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned before, I'm a "playah" (not a "playah hatah") on the online dating scene. One dating site in particular has a forum that I sometimes read, which includes the sub-forum "Sex & Dating."

Today I uncovered a topic labelled "THREESOME" in giant, bold letters. Naturally, I clicked on the title to garner more information for my readers.

The initial post read...

"How do I tell my man that I would like for a female to join us in the bedroom?"

Here are some of the responses offered by various forum members.

"How about...Honey I would like for a female to join us in the bedroom."

"Oh honey, look who I brought home for dinner"

And the best one...

"I would imagine the same way you would tell your dog you would like him to have two milkbones? Who is this guy, the POPE?"

Maybe I have a lame sense of humour, but that last comment left me in stitches.

Before you start, YES, I know that threesomes can be more trouble than they are worth (except in fantasy world, where threesomes have ZERO consequences, all the time), but I just wanted to share what I thought was a funny sequence of comments. Any time you can include a Papal reference as part of a threesome conversation...you HAVE to give some props.

Some parting wisdom for you all:

Don't hate the player,
hate the game.

12 Kilos of Fun

2006-03-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

From the Freecycle Edmonton files...

[Freecycle-Edmonton] Offer- Bubble Wrap - Downtown area

we have 12 kg of bubble wrap to give away (it is enough to wrap 6
canoes!!)Will give to first responder.

Enough to wrap six canoes. SIX.

You have no idea how tempted I am to contact this person and acquire the bubblewrap. Those that know me fairly well should realize how much entertainment this would give me. I could wrap up a guest (or canoe), drop him or her off the roof of my apartment and no one would get hurt! Rob Ladner would probably be the ideal candidate for this, I think. His bouncing around the parking lot would amuse me.

Partytown - Population: SEAN.

12 FREAKING KILOGRAMS of BUBBLEWRAP.

I might have to re-evaluate my lack of faith in a supreme being.

Magic posting word: Ioogh (undoubtedly the noise Rob would make when bouncing off the gravel parking lot)

(Rob, I only chose you b/c you're a good sport...and well, you're still a target of sorts).

Five Alive

2006-03-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, Liam had a wallet full of five dollar bills; perhaps as many as six. As we ventured from store to store gathering candy and video games, his precious supply of fins dwindled...until he was left with just one.

"Aw man, that's my last five" Liam said with great sorrow.

As not many things are as depressing as a sad Liam, I sought to console my friend. What could make him happy?

Hours of video game playing?
Root beer?
Rolling some drunks?

Then it came to me. While I didn't have any five dollar bills, I did have a free hand.

"Not your last five, Liam!" I remarked as I raised my open palm high into the air.

A look of confusion crossed Liam's face; What the heck is going on? Then his facial features relaxed into a joyous smile, as Liam realized that he would never again be out of fives - for as long as I have at least one hand, there will always be high-fives for Liam.

In my own strange way, this is how I choose to congratulate Liam for landing a job at Intuit. He's been working towards a programming job for years, and next week he officially starts his new career with one of the top software companies in Canada. Liam very much deserves this position, and I'm proud of him.

Good on you, Liam.

High-five.

Sean X Sean X Sean

2006-03-11T12:02:00.000-07:00

Well, my template changes are almost finished. I have a bit of fiddling to do in the "Sean Woods Experience" section, and would like to space out my links a tad.

Other things I'm considering;

adding a counter
linking to a personal photo album (which doesn't exist...yet)
more links
and...um...well, I guess that's all

My original plan was to have a panoramic picture (seen below, taken by Earl Woods) as my banner, with "Sean Woods All - Night Disco Blogorama" floating over top of it. Sadly, I could not figure out how to do that in conjunction with my current template. To compromise, I inserted the new photo of myself in the right hand column.

Once I learn more about HTML, I might consider attempting more complex modifications.

(you've probably seen this on E-dub's page)

My Cat Likes Popcorn

2006-03-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

Nothing else really needs to be said.

More Blogkeeping

2006-03-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

As you can see, my template has undergone a minor change. I wasn't intending to re-publish my blog until ALL the modifications were complete, but by damn fingers hit the wrong button.

I'll finish my changes soon, fear not.

-Sean-

Sean, Jennifer and the Giant Mouse

2006-03-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: For those that don't know, there is an audio link beneath the 'bubble picture.'

chuck² (chk)
n.

A cut of beef extending from the neck to the ribs and including the shoulder blade.
1. A clamp that holds a tool or the material being worked in a machine such as a lathe.
2. A clamping device for holding a drill bit.
Informal. Food.

e¹ or E ()
n. pl. e's or E's also es or Es

The fifth letter of the modern English alphabet.

cheese¹ (chz)
n.

1. A solid food prepared from the pressed curd of milk, often seasoned and aged.
2. A molded mass of this substance.
Something resembling this substance in shape or consistency.

So if one were to take a bit of food (or perhaps a clamp), and then blend that with the fifth letter of the alphabet and a solid food prepared from the pressed curd of milk, logic dictates that this would be the result:

Glowing Blob of Neon = Mouse. I think.

Some time ago, Jenn suggested that we visit Chuck E. Cheese's for a change of pace. I initially looked upon her with doubt and suspicion, but when she pulled out the coupons, I relented and said to myself "Why not?" So off we went to experience pizza party pandemonium!

"What are you doing with my camera phone? Give it back!"

Upon entering the establishment, we were surrounded by neon lights, whistles, and various other stimuli designed to coerce patrons into ponying up the greenbacks. I find that the phrase that best describes this feeling is "sitting in the middle of capitalism."

After some surprisingly good BBQ chicken pizza, we took to the games! First up - The Flight Simulator.

I'll see you Nazis in HELL (clickity click, barbatrick!)

Being male, I could not resist the temptation to sit in a big yellow bubble and shoot down Nazi zeppelins. The setup really made for a really enjoyable experience; the throttle was controlled by the "pilot's" left hand, the armaments with the right. Furthermore, the yellow bubble was mounted on some sort of hydraulic system; so if the "pilot" banked right, the bubble would shift accordingly. This game was a lot of fun, and used up many of my tokens.

Other activities included;

A free-throw shooting basketball game, which I REALLY sucked at. Skills did NOT pay the bills on this occasion.
A horribly designed soccer game, where the player had to physically kick a soccer ball past a horizontally moving keeper. The problem was that due to the placement of a metal bar (presumably meant to prevent soccer balls from rolling out), the player could not get any 'air' under the ball...so goals were impossible, even for a seasoned soccer player like Jenn.
Some bizarre train game neither of us could not figure out. This contraption seemed quite content to take our tokens and then do nothing.
Authentic track-ball Missile Command & Centipede. God bless Atari.
Various "mash buttons to get tickets" games that were quite enjoyable.

And of course, there was much Skeeball to be had. Down by a few points to Jenn, I had to resort to aiming for the maximum-point receptacle in order to close the gap. As if the hand of God was guiding me, the ball rolled up the ramp and deposited itself into the highest scoring cylinder. Arms raised in victory, I turned to Jenn so I could assert my Skeeball dominance. The look on her face was not one of dismay, but rather of shock. It turns out that the machine had decided to SPIT OUT my ball, which resulted in a Jenn victory (although she probably would have won anyway).

Skeeball is indeed a harsh mistress.

Arms full of precious bounty, we sought out the almighty ticket-gobbling machine.

"Eat it, bitch!"

Our two-plus hours of gaming efforts were rewarded with a FLASH fridge magnet for myself, and jewelry of some sort (if memory serves correctly) for Jennifer.

All in all, I actually had a lot of fun; sincere thanks to Jenn for taking me.

Post #100.

*All photos courtesy of Jenn's camera phone

Edm_Millwoods_21_F SEX, SEX, SEX

2006-02-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

Did that get your attention?

It certainly got mine, as it was the profile name of someone who e-mailed me via an online dating service. The content of the message was;

WOW. U R HOT. Wanna chat?

Blown away by this masterpiece, I clicked on her profile link and was rewarded with the following;

Interests

SEX

About Me

(Blogorama note: Subject's e-mail address was deleted by me; I almost left it in by mistake)

straight up i don't know what i'm looking for. i do have a bf but not happy with. i know what your all thinking then dump him, i wish it was that easy. what i do look for in a guy is pretty basic
-HIGH sex drive
-CAN make me moan (if you can't make me moan then peace)
-makes me laugh
-makes me smile
-etc

other then that if you wanna see a pic add me to msn, OH YEAH I HATE THOSE PRIVATE MESSGAES ON HERE

	First Date
	GUESS U HAVE TO FIND OUT

Mail Settings (To message Edm_Millwoods_21_F you MUST meet the following criteria.)

Male
Live in Canada

While I of course meet every criterion she "laid" out in her profile, I had to decline her invitation to chat;

While I'm flattered that you think I'm "hot," I just can't see myself getting involved with someone who had a boyfriend. Thanks though!

Good luck,

S

If nothing else, I have to give her credit for being honest on her profile.

This latest episode aside, I would have to say that online dating has been a positive experience for me thus far. While I don't initiate contact as much as I should (I've only been responding to invitations, not sending any), I have met several interesting people and have learned from each encounter. The most difficult thing is probably the sheer amount of choice available; I hate to say this, but it almost seems like a buffet of babes. Seeing more than one person at a time has also taken some adjustment, although this is not something I do often (nor do I do this when things have reached an 'intimate' level with someone).

Dating seems to be a lot easier this time around; that is, in comparison to my dating life (such as it was) before marriage. You can probably attribute that to increased self confidence and a far greater awareness of who I am. Actually, those two factors could very well go hand in hand.

Of course, I will update you if I receive further correspondence form Edm_Millwoods_21_F SEX, SEX, SEX.

I'm a Horrible Monster

2006-02-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

Another lame entry, right here.

Due to reader outrage, I will have something new within a week.

I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me; I've just been too busy to think of anything worthwhile to post.

3000 M Speed Blogging

2006-02-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

Another medal for Candada; a bronze for speed skater Cindy Klassen.

The 3000 meter race looked especially brutal. Klassen could barely lift one skate over the other during the final lap; the lactic acid buildup must have been agonizing.

On a technical note, the camerawork during the race was fantastic.

In other news, Beckie Scott finished 6th in X-Country Skiing, and the women's hockey team is beating up on everybody. I hope team Canada doesn't develop any bad habits during these contests.

Oh, and I'll have a "real" blog entry soon.

Freestyle Blogging

2006-02-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Jennifer Heil of Spruce Grove for her GOLD medal in freestyle moguls!

Awesome. Well, it wasn't awesome when the public announcer proclaimed her as being from the United States, but whatever.

I love the Olympics. People can yack all they want about the $$$ involved, but the positive emotion it creates is unbelievable - not to mention the heroes that are born.

Bjorn Dahlie
Johann Olav Koss
Beckie Scott

And now, Jennifer Heil (with an ending like that, I should write for Sun Media).

State of the Union

2006-02-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call from ETS the other day, at which time I was told that I had to rescind my discounted bus pass. Why? I'm not a union empolyee, and therefore not eligible for the discount program. Boy, I'm glad I pay union fees every two weeks...

To be honest, I will probably be saving money in the long run; unless it is really cold outside, I end up walking to work. It's the principle of the thing that sticks in my craw.

In honour of this event, I have "composed" a song.

(to the tune of "Magic Bus")

Twice a month I pay union dues (too much, union fuss!)
So I could use bus that takes me to HQ (too much, union fuss!)
I'm so angry, I just sit here riled (too much, union fuss!)
They took my bus pass after a while (too much, union fuss!)

Thank you, union, for kicking my rear (too much, union fuss!)
You're no benefit to me, have no fear (too much, union fuss!)
I don't want to cause no fuss (too much, union fuss!)
But why can't I ride a cheap bus? (too much, union fuss!)

Nooooooooo!

I do care how much I pay (too much, union fuss!)
I want the same discount as union boss Ray (too much, union fuss!)

I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it ... (but I can't HAVE IT!)

Now it's two-twenty five each way
Just to ride down Jasper way
Four dollars fifty cents every day
If I go to work that way

Union fuss, union fuss, union fuss...

I said, now I've lost my discount bus (too much, union fuss!)
I said, now I've lost my discount bus (too much, union fuss!)
I walk to work every day (too much, union fuss!)
Each time I go a different way (too much, union fuss!)

I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it ...

Every day you'll see the dust (too much, union fuss!)
As I shake my fist at every bus (too much, union fuss!)

Baby On (a message) Board

2006-01-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Even more bizarre than expired food being taken from a stranger, I give you...

"Wanted - Baby for Adoption"

I know this is a unusual request but I am trying to help a wonderful loving couple back home find a baby to adopt.. they were aproved for adoption in another country but the laws have changed there and now the wait and possibility are even further away, they are going through the process here in canada but it also is a wait.. they already have the baby room ready and are wonderful loving people. Sometimes its chance that you find a teen or mother out there that is making the hard decision to give their child to the loving arms of someone else . I thought that maybe by chance someone who knows someone, or is someone wanting to place their child in a loving home would read this and respond in hopes of fulfilling my friends dreams of becoming parents. thanks to anyone who can help.. THANKS - Lisa

I'm sure somebody will blindly give their child to your friends, Lisa (I know I would). Heck, who cares about legality?

Here's a response from another member of the Freecycle group;

OMG. This is the most offensive thing I have ever seen. By the way, nice use of sterotype. Not all teen mothers give their babies away.

True that.

And another;

I too, have to say that this posting never should have gone through. A baby is not a commodity to be freecycled. I am disgusted that that message was posted. Aren't there moderators to block them from coming through?? My husband and I are also in the process of trying to adopt a child (through proper channels and government agencies). We would never think of putting a post on freecycle regarding a precious human life. The thought of this post makes me sick.

A forum with the purpose of exchanging used knick knacks and expired food probably isn't the best place to look for an addition to your family.

Maybe I should post "Wanted: Attractive, Open Minded Females for a Sex Party" and see what happens.

Big Evil up in the PMO

2006-01-24T17:08:00.000-07:00

Final Results:

Alliance Party (I refuce to call them PCs)	124	36.25%
Liberals	103	30.22%
BQ	51	10.48%
NDP	29	17.49%
IND	1	.52%
OTH	0	5.05%

I can take comfort in the fact that by forming a small minority government, Big Evil and Co. shouldn't be able to pass too many ignorant and/or offensive motions.

And the NDP won quite a few seats.

I've Got a Fever...

2006-01-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

..and there's only one prescription...

Short and Sweet

2006-01-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

VOTE

For those still deciding, here is a helpful link;

HELPFUL LINK

I voted Liberal, much to the chagrin of 90% of my fellow Albertans. My vote went to the Liberal Party mostly because of their stance on same sex marriage, opposition to putting weapons in orbit and giving women rule over their own bodies. I admit, it was difficult to vote for the Liberal Party given the recent scandal(s), but I find that their platform bears the most similarity to my core values.

However, my gut is telling me that Big Evil and the Conservatives will pull out a victory.

Altered States

2006-01-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

I have a partially-functioning HP 950 XI printer.

Note: Original image slightly altered

950 XI scans, accepts digital media cards and consumes any document I try to print. On the off chance that I do manage to get a printed page through the plastic gauntlet, it ends up discoloured and unusable.

950 XI also makes scary noises.

If left on, 950 XI will move his print cartridge seemingly at random, scaring both guests and cats. As such, I leave it on all the time.

"Mooooo-me-mooooo-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" seems to be the noise that 950 XI utters most often. Is 950 XI trying to communicate? If so, what is the message?

"Clean my print cartridges!"
"Buy a new printer!"
"YOUR SOUL IS MINE!"

Truth be told, we might never know.

Usually the printer-speak doesn't bother me, but last night was a different story. Sometime between midnight and 03:00 hours this morning, "Mooooo-me-mooooo-WAAAAAAAAAAAH"
tore me from a deep sleep. I didn't "come to" all of the way; I was trapped in some bizarre state of half sleep. It was as if someone had shifted me sideways from reality, removing me from the entirety of spacetime.

I couldn't feel the bed, the blanket...I couldn't even feel my own weight. The walls themselves seemed to be distorted and bent in a fashion. The only thing I seemed to be aware of was the ever-repeating "Mooooo -me -mooooo - WAAAAAAAAAAAH," and that humanity was depending on me to stop it.

950 XI ceased operations once I pressed the "power" button, although I don't remember exactly how I made it to the printer. Regardless, blissful sleep soon followed.

It was truly a surreal experience.

Heifer MADNESS

2006-01-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, I was invited to go camping with a group of friends. It was a nice piece of land an hour SW of Calgary, owned by the West family. Many of my former university classmates were to participate in the trip, including Kourt, Greame (heir to the West fortune), Danny, Sheila, Sean, Dean and Dawn. Most of those people I had not seem in quite some time, so I did not hesitate to make my way down to the camp site.

Had I only known the horrors that would befall our intrepid party.

The trip began quite well; in fact, the mood was as if we were back in university...

Kourt and Greame were up to their usual HSJSML (hot sticky juicy sweaty man love) escapades, while Dawn remained blissfully ignorant.

"I swear, it is THIS big"

Just like his days in Lethbridge, Dean was trying to impress the ladies through exaggeration. As you can see by her expression, Dawn did not buy what he was selling.

When not engaged in HSJSML, Kourt spent his time in a hypnotic trance, drinking beer by the fire.

Speaking of fire, this photograph would best serve as an illustration of how NOT to build one. While the structure was indeed pleasing to the eye, yours truly had to intervene in order to prevent a raging forest fire. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Yes, things were good; stories were told, weenies were roasted and copious amounts of alcohol were ingested.

Then came morning.

Mad Cows approach Sheila's tent from the north

What's this? Yes - our campsite was under siege by Bos taurus! Being that we were all quite hungover, we had no time (or energy) to set up an adequate defense.

The Bovine Battalion marches unopposed towards camp

Was this to be the end of the Lethbridge Eight?

Thankfully, a dog only known to me as "dog" chased the malicious moo-moos into the forest from whence they came. Dog's reward - a pat on the head and half of Danny's beverage.

All in all, it was a good trip.

Happy Boxing Day!

2006-01-16T17:35:00.000-07:00

And by "Boxing Day," I mean "the day I found old photos in a box."

Enjoy!

Dylan Wood stands by amazed as Dean Scott points to the
photographer. I think I actually still have that
plastic cup (possibly from "Congo") somewhere.

Dean Scott circa his graduating year (whenever
that was), accompanied by what appears to be a
finger or perhaps the back of a kitchen chair.

Kourt, presumably drunk and/or hungover. I believe that I dropped
an exercise ball on him shortly after this photo was taken.

He was not amused.

Old-school picture of me losing my lips to a pair of scissors.
Note the sexy glasses and huge forearms.

Dylan doing his best Job impersonation after a hard
fought game of Warhammer 40 000.

Liam (possibly inserting a disk) in the CRAZY HOUSE OF ANIME.
You will notice that the natural environment enjoyed by most Liams is one of perpetual mess.

The View From Section 205, Row 26, Seat 8

2006-01-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

"Cross, you SUCK!"
-Unknown fan from two sections over

Truer words have never been spoken; Cory Cross was directly responsible for two goals against in Edmonton's loss to Ottawa Saturday night. Each goal was a result of him standing there while his man skated by and deposited the puck in the net. You know things are bad when you pray for the return of Igor "giveway machine" Ulanov.

Raffi Torres was another player that looked simply awful; if he wasn't near the puck, he wasn't skating. Maybe that's why he has about 3 points in his last 18 games. On a positive note, Dvorak played an excellent game, skated miles and delivered several effective hits. Hopefully he will be moved up to play with Stoll and Torres, which would thankfully end the "George Laraque as the 2nd line RW" experiment.

Sean's Three Stars:

3. Mike Fisher, Ottawa: He played a fantastic game, constantly buzzing around the Oilers' goal and contributing a couple of points.

2. Marc Andre Bergeron, Edmonton: Registered the first hat-trick by an Edmonton defenseman in twenty years.

1. The hot chick who planted a surprise kiss on her equally hot female friend while showcased on the "kiss cam." Awesome.

I'd like to thank Derek Lafay for taking me to this contest.

Derek Lafay, caught in his natural environment

Not only did he drive me there, but Derek also provided me with an extra ticket that he received for Christmas. That was the first game I've been to in approximately five years, so it was a great treat...aside from the fact that Edmonton lost, of course. The highlight of the night (aside from hot lesbian action caught on the kiss-cam) was probably when the fans cheered VERY LOUDLY after Conklin was pulled, or perhaps how they chanted "Conklin...Conklin..." well into the third period.

More Than Meets the Eye

2006-01-13T12:02:00.000-07:00

Not only is my cat house manly-cute (as per Liam), it is also a TRANSFORMER.
(insert transforming noise here)

As you can see, it isn't just ANY Transformer, no, it is a fabled triple-changer. Like Astrotrain, Blitzwing and a smattering of others, this Transformer has THREE awe-inspiring modes;

"From house, to bed to recliner and back!" While it hasn't shown any form of consciousness like its fellow Transformers, I have been able to find a name for it: "Micro Maximus" (the name provided by the "Transformer Name Generator" when I submitted "cat house"). Given that it provides shelter, I would assume that "Micro Maximus" is an Autobot. As to why a Transformer would choose to house cats, that is left up to debate.

No matter how much I plead, it seems incapable of transforming by itself. I'll keep trying, though...

*note: I added one more cat picture to the entry below. You can rest knowing that I will not torment you with disgustingly cute cat photographs for quite some time.

Cats In the Cradle (No Silver Spoons Included)

2006-01-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

Oscar might look adorable, but at heart he's badass (just like me).

Xander is not a badass, and he squeaks like a kitten. A 22 pound kitten.

I've never seen Tommy look more grumpy than he is here.

I just thought I should post some pictures of my "family," while still managing to appear manly and strong.

...

Ok, I'm a big wuss when it comes to my cats. Sue me.

*Crazy Cat Man Disclaimer: I am NOT a crazy cat-hoarding lunatic. When my wife and I separated, it was decided that I would keep all three of the boys until she could afford to move into a new apartment (as her current landlord has a dog, which would force her to keep the cats locked in the basement).

[Freecycle-Edmonton] Offers: DISTURBING

2006-01-12T11:26:00.000-07:00

For the past year, I have been part of a community called "Freecycle Edmonton." The goal of this community is best described by this blurb from the website;

The Edmonton Freecycle Network is open to all who want to "recycle" that special something rather than throw it away. Whether it's a chair, a fax machine or an old door, feel free to post it. Or maybe you're looking to acquire something yourself!

Example: Having Star Trek I trough Star Trek IV on both DVD and VHS, I posted an e-mail message to the group offering my VHS copies to whomever responded first. The e-mail subject heading read "[Freecycle-Edmonton] Offer: Star Trek I through IV VHS (downtown)," thereby indicating what I am offering and where it can be picked up. In the body of the email you can further describe the item, the conditions of pickup, etcetera.

Most of the time, the items offered can be quite useful; old movies, furniture, electronics, automotive parts, sporting equipment, washers and dryers, even working cars. Better to get more use out of that old couch as opposed to simply adding to the landfill, I think. That said, there are some...odd items that people post on the message board. Here's one from today;

[Freecycle-Edmonton] Offer: Nose screws, Capilano

I have 4 surgical steel nose screws. Can't wear mine anymore. 1 blue rhinestone, 1 pink rhinestone, 1 silver ball, 1 rhinestone flower. Pickup only please.

Surgial nose screws? Sweet, sign me up! Other strange offers include unfinished dog food, a package of unopened popcorn, and half a bottle of motor oil. Such items I can somewhat understand being posted, as a doggie probably doesn't care if his bag of food was already opened. However, there are some things that just don't need to be offered...

[Freecycle-Edmonton] Taken: Expired Food - St. albert

Thanks for the pick up Grace, I am glad you will be able to use it.

Sadly, I no longer seem to have the original e-mail that contained the marvellous offer of expired food. While I am surprised that someone would offer expired food, it is the fact that someone actually TOOK the food which truly disturbs me. What exactly is Grace doing with this expired food? Composting? Hoarding free (though expired) food to feed her slaves? And who in their right mind offers potentially harmful foodstuffs?

Picture included b/c the initial caption read "We eat expired food"

Maybe I should send in "[Freecycle Edmonton] Offer - Slightly Used Cat Litter," or "[Freecycle Edmonton] Offer - Milk with January 4th Expiry Date."

DISTURBING.

Housekeeping (Blogkeeping?)

2006-01-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

I modified my blog settings so that all comments left will be given a definitive date stamp, instead of just showing the hour of the post. Thanks to Jeremiah for giving me the idea to do this.

That is all.

Get Civilized

2006-01-11T09:19:00.000-07:00

Late in a recent game of Civilization IV, I (as Germany) was dragged into an unwanted conflict with the Arabian empire. While the German war machine was able to wipe Saladin (also known as "The Salad Man") and his cronies off the face of the Earth, the 200 years of war had left me behind in the space race. With no hope of voyaging to Alpha Centauri before the final turn, I set my culture slider to 100% in order to maximize my somewhat pathetic score. Citizens across the nation rejoiced as untold wealth and prosperity flowed from government coffers into their communities. This joy remained constant until the final year of my reign, when the nation of Spain again threatened my civilization with destruction. The Spaniards contended that my nation would be spared if I were to "share" my advanced technology with them.

This is what happens to civilizations that constantly demand tribute from the mighty Christpuncher:

BOOM

It is truly a joy to be the only leader that has the capacity to build nuclear weapons (note to Rob: I bet just LOOKING at that screenshot tempts you to buy a new PC).

With that in mind, I invite Earl, Jeff and Jeremiah to join the inaugural Disco Blogorama Invitational - a Civilization event of epic proportions. Just think of the possibilities...

Would the younger generation be able to upset the old?
Perhaps it would become a Pitts VS Woods affair, settling the age old question of which family has the superior genetics.
It is even conceivable that I could join forces with Jeff to stab my own flesh and blood in the back.

This wouldn't have to be an all day marathon event; we could play every few days, as I know everybody has a different schedule. In the future I will open the Invitational to additional contestants, but I thought a Woods-Pitts conflict would be an excellent way to kick things off.

I await your responses - the gauntlet has been thrown.

Sieve City

2006-01-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

Chew on this;

The Edmonton Oilers have allowed the 2nd fewest shots per game up to this point in the season. The combined save percentage of the three headed goalie monster (who shall be referred to as Conmorkannen from this point onward) is ranked 27th. I realize that save percentage is not the most reliable statistic, but I think those numbers speak volumes.

Unfortunately, I'm not sure the problem can be fixed this season. With several teams in need of a goaltending upgrade (including two division rivals in Vancouver and Colorado), the price to make that upgrade could be too steep for my liking. Unless a Roloson or Fernandez can be had for relatively little, I propose that Edmonton take their lumps this season and make an effort to land a free agent goaltender next year (Nabokov, for example). I prefer that option as opposed to trading players such as Stoll, Torres, Schremp, etcetera...

Or Kevin Lowe can just sign this guy:

Goaltending problems aside, I have been pleasantly surprised by the play of the Oilers. With the increased importance of special teams, I thought we might be in for a long year. Yet here we are halfway through the season, with the power play ranked 9th and the penalty killing 13th. To put that in perspective, the power play and penalty killing placed 29th and 27th (respectively) at the end of 2004. I don't think anyone predicted an improvement of anywhere near that magnitude.

Futhermore, who would would have guessed that Edmonton's top two centres would be averaging a point per game?

Amazing.

How About Them Cowboys Part II

2006-01-09T16:56:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention that I googled "Dallas Cowboys + Woods" and was presented with the following image.

I think this is how Pat Robertson keeps his flock unenlightened in regards to logic and reason. Between the First Baptist Church Dallas and the Lifeway Bookstore, the forces of ignorance should be able to flourish. Additionally, by using the secret underground tunnels, the 700 Club need not risk prolonged exposure to logic and reason (AKA "worldly" and "bad air").

"I'm crazy!"

"We have allowed rampant secularism and occult, et cetera, to be broadcast on television. We have permitted somewhere in the neighborhood of 35 to 40 million unborn babies to be slaughtered in our society. We have a Court that has essentially stuck its finger in God's eye and said, 'We're going to legislate you out of the schools, we're going to take your Commandments from off the courthouse steps in various states, we're not going to let little children read the Commandments of God, we're not going to let the Bible be read -- no prayer in our schools.' We have insulted God at the highest levels of our government. And, then we say 'why does this happen?' Well, why its happening is that God Almighty is lifting His protection from us."

(quoted from his television program "The 700 Club" shortly after the events of "9/11")

I am certainly not a Christian, but I think his words act as a disservice to Christianity as a whole. There are millions of completely rational Christians out there; I even know a few of them. Unfortunately, Mr. Robinson has a great deal of influence over the Christian right, a religious group that counts persons of considerable power as members. Quite frankly, this scares the hell out of me.

Hmm...actually, considering that I'm probably going to hell in the eyes of Robinson and his crazies, would having the hell scared out of me actually be beneficial?

How About Them Cowboys?

2006-01-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting here for about five minutes trying to think of an adequate way to begin this entry. Obviously I failed to think of anything creative, so I will simply begin by writing "I had the strangest dream last night."

...a dream in which I played for the Dallas Cowboys of the National Football League (as described in my NFL biography).

Name: Sean Etsell Woods
Hometown: Leaf Rapids, Manitoba
Birthdate: April 4th, 1976
Height: 5'10
Weight: 219
Position: DB
How Acquired: Signed as Free Agent January 8th, 2006
Career Statistics: 2 passes deflected, one forced fumble, one fumble recovery, 55 fumble return yards

Biography:
Did he really exist? That's the question that plagues NFL historians to this very day. Appearing as if out of nowhere to participate in Superbowl 40, Woods suited up as a defensive back for the injury-riddled Cowboy squad. This was the famous "Middle School Sod Bowl," which took place on a middle school football field of an unknown location. The stakes were high; if the Cowboys lost, the field would be demolished. However, if the Cowboys raised the Super Bowl in victory, all of the dying grass would be replaced with new sod. With children across the country cheering for the Cowboys, they had become "America's Team" in truth.

The contest was hard fought, and with precious seconds remaining, the evil Oakland Raiders were trapped deep in their own territory. Down by six points, there was only one option left to the Raiders: GO DEEP. The quarterback took the snap, analyzed the coverage and heaved the ball downfield, hoping to hit Joey Porter on the fly pattern. Porter had been kept out of the game thus far, but on this play the wide receiver had a couple of steps on Woods.

Porter did indeed catch the pass, but not cleanly - the ball rested on his shoulder for a brief moment as Woods' attempted to make the tackle. His arms tied up, Woods resorted to a rather unconventional method of jarring the football lose; he used his teeth. Somehow grabbing the nose of the ball with said teeth, Woods flipped it into the air, freed his arms and subsequently caught the ball. The fumble was returned by Woods 55 yards to the Raiders' 20 yard line, where he was tackled with no time left on the clock. Final score: The Dallas Cowboys 20, the Oakland Raiders 14.

All the Cowboys ran onto the field, rejoicing as truck after truck of fresh sod was arriving. They looked to congratulate their teammate, but he had vanished as suddenly as he appeared. It was the first time in NFL history where the Superbowl MVP was awarded in absentia.

What happened to Sean Woods? For the time being, that question remains unanswered. Perhaps someday he'll return to receive his trophy and the adulation of millions of children across America.

Truly, this was one of the most vivid (and strange) dreams I have had in some time. The last thing I recall is being interviewed by Michael Irvin (a former Dallas Cowboy), who tried to compare his Superbowl victories to mine. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I did say something to the effect of "At least our victory didn't have to share a byline with NASCAR."

Whatever that means.

Retro-fitting

2006-01-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

Not many people know this, but I have an affinity for old (or retro) items. I certainly wouldn't call myself a collector by any means, but I do enjoy the odd piece of nostalgia here and there. Case in point - this Flash Gordon "stamp" I purchased today;

Sorry about the camera "Flash."

It should be a nice match for my already idiosyncratic decor, which includes a print of "The Phantom," a giant painting of an elephant and a Boris Mironov (who is probably now the size of an elephant) hockey jersey. While this bit of Flash Gordon memorabilia is fascinating in its own right, it could be argued that it wasn't even my best find of the day.

The morning began with long walk to Whyte Avenue, as I had a profound desire to get out of the apartment and actually do something. Eventually I found myself at the Old Strathcona Antique Market, which is a haven for eccentric nerds like myself. You can find anything from ships in a bottle, to comic books, to antique furniture and beyond...

And records. Lots and lots of records. The selection was overwhelming, to the point where I had to put some albums back as I noticed the ever-rising purchase price. Here is a sampling of what I was able to find;

Led Zeppelin IV
Led Zeppelin: "Physical Graffiti"
David Bowie: "Ziggy Stardust: The Motion Picture"
David Bowie: "Heroes"
David Bowie: "The Man Who Sold the World"
Pink Floyd: "A Collection of Great Dance Songs"
The Doors: "Absolutely Live"
Saturday Night Fever

There is something special about vinyl; I don't know whether it's the rich sound, the brilliant album art, the retro vibe, a combination of the aforementioned or something else entirely, but I have become quite enamoured with this particular medium.

Once I had my fill of the market, I began my walk home. As I approached the river valley, a sign that read "HUGE DISCOUNTS!" caught my eye. Never one to turn down HUGE DISCOUNTS, I entered the retro clothing store known as "Orbits." Not only did I find the Flash Gordon "stamp" here, but I was also able to use the powers of haggle to net a fantastic jacket for half price.

My journey came to a conclusion at "Cliff Clavin's," where I had a hamburger for lunch.

-fin-

T - Time

2005-12-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

Everybody knows Mr. T is cool. He's the man. He pitied cancer, and cancer turned tail and got out of dodge. There are even bobbleheads made in his holy image.

I pity the fool that buys this 1985 Audi 5000!

In celebration of T's majesty, I present to you the top thirty Mr. T facts (stolen from here).

Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

Mr. T is capable of spontaneously creating life. Once, while flexing, parts of each of his biceps broke off and created Emmanuel Lewis and Gary Coleman

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.

The last time Mr.T went hunting he got a 10 point buck, a white rhino and two bald eagles... He is no longer allowed into the Zoo.

Mr.T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.

When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

Mr. T recently opened a Psychic hotline, one in which he takes every call. No matter the question he is asked, he gives only one response: "My prediction? Pain." He then goes out and personally pummels each caller witin an inch of their life, because Mr. T can never be wrong.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.

April 1st became known as "April Fool's Day" only after Mr. T decided it would be easier to pity a whole bunch of fools on a set date rather than pitying a few fools each day.

Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

Mr. T lost two arm wrestling contests in his life. One was to the planet Jupiter, and the other was a two hour battle with his own umbilical chord.

Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.

Boxing Day Bonanza

2005-12-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

Being that today is the wonderful Commonwealth holiday known as Boxing Day, I set out unto downtown to pursue entirely selfish, materialistic goals.

Stage One: Winners

1 pair black dress pants
1 pair dark brown dress pants
2 pair boxer shorts

Total: $48.93, which was a mere $1.07 short of the total sum on the gift card. Superb!

Stage Two: HMV

1 "Jimmy Hendrix - Are You Experienced?" CD
1 "Pink Floyd - Pulse" CD

Total: $32 - an amazing deal, considering "Pulse" usually retails for $43 by itself. Now I can replace my incredibly worn, scratched copy. Score.

Stage 3: Tip Top Tailors

Nothing

Total: Zero Dollars. Sadly, there was not much left for me to pick through by the time I got there. Most disappointing.

Stage Three: London Drugs
That's right. 1 Sony Turntable, on sale for $99.00 plus GST. There are no words to describe how awesome this truly is. Kudos to he (or she) that correctly guesses the first album I played with this marvel of technology.

Stage Four: Satan's Delight

1 Big Xtra value meal

All in all, the only thing more disgusting than the meal was the price: $7.35! Judging by the sudden rumbling coming from my bowels, I wager that I have about 2 minutes to finish this blog entry.

Stage Five: Staples

1 cordless headset for my cellphone

Total: $32, which was just a hair over the $30 sum allocated to my Staples' giftcard. Now I should actually be able to have a conversation where my arm doesn't fall asleep from holding the freaking phone. A lower risk of brain cancer is another benefit, I suppose.

Aside from stage four, it was an excellent day of shopping.

Holiday Cheer and Such

2005-12-24T13:29:00.000-07:00

The Toronto Star posed various holiday questions to Paul Martin, Stephen Harper and Jack Layton today. My personal favourite is found below...

If you had to buy Christmas presents for your opponents, what would you buy them?

MARTIN: I'd email them some iTunes. Motorhead for Stephen Harper. Nirvana for Jack Layton. And The Smiths for Gilles Duceppe.

HARPER: (No reply)

LAYTON: For Paul Martin: Some waterfront property on the lake — maybe a personal stake will get some action out of the Liberals. Stephen Harper: A gift certificate for the gay village so he could get some decent leather clothes. Gilles Duceppe: Justice Gomery gave him the best present ever, so I'd make a charitable donation in his name.

A gift certificate for the gay village so he could get some decent leather clothes. Jack Layton, you're the MAN.

The New Democratic Party just earned my vote.

Happy Holidays everyone! Here's a picture of me, some friends...and Satan Clauz.

He's One Bad Mother...

2005-12-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

Just for Earl.

Note: It might appear that part of my skull is missing. Fear not - I'm simply wearing a dark hat.